April 28, 2010

Day 2- I Want Some Money!!

I have been away from this blog for a while. I can tell you it feels REALLY good to not have entries looming over my head...and.... I miss it too. It is a mixed bag for sure.

Anyway I am writing a couple of grants at the moment. Well mostly I am writing one and Michael is writing another. We are looking to get some money to finance a couple of dance projects. So my writing hasn’t stopped, it just got boring.

I will write something more interesting here on the blog soon, when I am finished grant writing...I like saying that...“grant writing”. It makes me feel so grown up and sophisticated.

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April 22, 2010

Day 1- The Forest is coming Alive.

Why does writing an entry today feel more scary than ever before?

An ant flew down my back as I wrote that last sentence, how creepy is that? Kinda like tonight's entry is an admission of entering into the jungle. A place where the body rules the way, in a year I now know as the year I will travel between Nelson, BC, Northern Washington, California and Central America, following the worlds of my passion, my family and dance community. This year where I will begin my training as a Soul Motion teacher, a term I know is silly, this year when the ant walked back onto my screen and reminds me that the forest is coming alive again. It is time to go close the door.

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As for why the idea of writing now is scary, it is simply more naked. Now I write when I want to, and in admitting this I admit to you that I want to. From now on how honest I am is on my own terms, no score to fulfill, no rules to follow, from here it is just me...no gimmicks. Unless I come up with one by tomorrow that is.

Ahhh, an Alexi Murdoch song just came on, and I am tired. I am going now to fall asleep to his marshmallowy voice.

To all who read this...thanks for hangin out... for checking in when it was just me you were looking for.

April 17, 2010

Day 12 Easy- Easy

So this is it...the kinda end. I mean not really. I will keep blogging, at least until I decided to do something else. It won’t be every day though. I am going to try something radical and post when I am inspired to...I know crazy.

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So thanks everyone... I know it is kinda anti climactic, what with all these “endings” and “goodbyes“, especially given not a lot will change. I do feel like I needed to mark the end somehow though...I just can’t come up with anything really good. Hmmmm....

(insert idea from Chris, and he and Michael singing to me.)

Hey how about that for a nice ending !? Here I sit on my bed, Michael is sending emails, Chris is looking at turkey hunting websites and I am writing my last entry. Life is good, life is easy, love prevails.

Love you all, enjoy the video.

April 16, 2010

Day 11 Easy- Nothing to See Here

Leadership is less about my role and more about my engagment with self and community in service of making change for the better. ~Ken Otter

April 15, 2010

Day 10 Easy- See Saw Relief

The leaves have arrived! There are flowers everywhere. Life is good!

My facebook status reads, “Bernice Raabis loves today...it is my favourite out of lots and lots of days”.

I believe my spring fever has finally broken...you can all come out of your homes now. For those of you who live where there is little or no snow and cold, I am not joking here... I go a little crazy in the spring and this was a tough one! Just ask my family and friends who put up with me for the last few weeks. Anyway all is well...it might have something to do with being past the new moon too. Whatever the cause, I am grateful.

And so in honour of spring finally giving way to the side of summer, here is a little tweaked Rumi

“You were born of pure potential.
You were born with goodness and trust,
You were born with intuition and feeling.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings!

You were never meant to crawl for long, by now you have mastered your legs.... It is time to awaken to your wings.

The time is now,
learn to use them,

and fly!

-Rumi and Bernice”

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April 14, 2010

Day 9 Easy- The Work is the Same

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” - Carlos Castaneda

I just finished a 6 week Compassionate Communication course tonight. Michael taught the class. I learned something each and every time I went. It was not always easy. We were going through some really tough times these last 2 months. I am both proud and grateful that I stuck it out and went to all but one class, which I was in Alberta for. It couldn’t have been easy for Michael either to teach Compassionate Communication with me there in a the room, we were having such a hard time communicating then. I am proud of us both. I love us both. I am blessed to have him in my life, no matter what the future holds for us.

We had another speed bump after class. He might not be able to make an event I am putting on, I was hurt, and there was potential for it to all go sideways again...but that is not what happened. Mostly due to Michael's efforts to stay centred and grounded in love we made it through. The circumstances which presented the speed bump still exist, I don’t know what will happen there, but I do know he loves me. For now this is enough.

Thanks for everything Baby.

Oh oh and one more thing...tonight is the new moon and I was told the beginning of the lunar new year, though I am not sure in what tradition. We did a new moon ceremony to finish up Michael’s class, which was wonderful and perfect. I chose to set intentions for not only the month, like I always do on the new moon, but also for the whole year.

This new moon I set intentions for ease, abundance and adventure....and so it is!

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What a year it is going to be... (BIG SMILE)

Look Mom...no journal question!! YEEHAW!

April 13, 2010

Day 8 Easy- Home sweet Home

Summer is really coming...you know how I know? We had our first wiener and marshmallow roast tonight. I came home to find Chris and our new neighbour, Seth, in the back yard with the girls, they were already into the marshmallows. We all shot the Rosy’s bow for a while (yes you read that right Ruthie, my 7 year old has her own bow, I am sure you will get a smile out of Roger with that one), and then I went for a little walk with Dixie.

I wandered over to our garage property. I call it “ours“ even though it now belongs to Seth and Katie. I never really said good bye to this land, a half acre overlooking Nelson with a view so beautiful it is still hard to believe we will never see it out the front window of our family home. See when we bought this place, 3 half acre lots, we had a whole plan of how we were going to work things.

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(This is not a great pic, and yes we NEED to fall that big mostly dead conifer, but I am sure you get the idea)

The plan was to live on the lot with the house (the house we live in now). Build on the garage property and use the other lot, which has a barn, for livestock and gardens. In the end we would sell the lot with the house and end up with our dream home and garden on one acre, 5 minutes from downtown Nelson. By selling the house and lot we lived in while building we could pay off our mortgage entirely. We would have realized a dream we set in place 10 years earlier.

Sometimes things don’t go as planned.

Our lives changed considerably. I usually say things changed “after Chris’ accident” but to be honest, our lives changed long before that, back when we lived in Pemberton. These changes did not add up to a couple who could build our dream home, at least not yet. When finances became an issue we made the tough decision to sell the garage lot, the one with the best view and building potential, we knew it was the one that would sell. As I walked around the property, drinking from Seth’s mason jar filled with pure clean mountain water untouched by an human processing, I thought about the whole new life that we had created. It doesn’t include the property I went to say good bye to tonight, what it does in include is Seth and Katie and their new baby boy. Seth helped Chris fix our roof today. He and Katie brought us dried apples for Christmas. They will bring so much more into our life than a half acre and a big building for cars. Next door is Al and Massa, who will bring even more life to our community on the mountain in 6 weeks when they have their own baby. Then there is Oma and Opa, a couple in their 80’s who know more about this mountain than anyone. And another couple who were just married...no word on kids yet. Then there are the friends, all the people who wander up here to visit and help us to create our community, and come up for a wiener roast and a warm place to crash for the night.

Chris left for a parent teacher meeting shortly after I got home, Seth left too. I am now writing, while the kids are cleaning up after dinner with Richard. They only came into the house because they finally gave up shooting the bow as the sun set...at 7:38pm!!!! It is official summer is FINALLY coming...and it is about time!

We lived a blessed life!

So this is the last journal question ever...I am feeling the pressure a little here...but it is pretty easy to just follow the flow of the entry and go with “How are you blessed? ” the final question in the final journal. 12 days journal #366

All I got to do now is finish out this commitment...4 more days... wow.

April 12, 2010

Day 7 Easy- Truth, Ease and Joy!

To sum up today I give you this very well thought out love poem.

“Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Today I found Ease
and some Joy too.”


So why is “truth” included in today's entry title? Honesty is a funny thing, I find there are times I believe I am being honest and within a short period of time realize I was not. In tomorrows post you will read that it is the last journal question I ever had to come up with. TRUTH is I wrote it before I wrote this one.

Throughout this project I had to make rules for myself to keep this project both truthful and REALISTIC, to keep myself honest and sane. I made a rule that any time I sat down to write, I had to start with that days entry. Even if I had editing or filling in to do for days gone past, that days post being authentically motivated by the now was most important for the intergity of the project. So yesterday evening I wrote, with the intention of getting to this entry later, which never happened. So I am writing the last 3 paragraphs and the question for 12 days journal #365 today (April 14th)...today is actually the last day I will come up with a question, which is perfect since 3 years out ever 4 only have 365 days anyway. The (real last) question for today’s journal is “How truthful are you?”

I have to say I am pretty truthful, and even THEN, you will read tomorrows post and see I told an untruth and didn’t even realize it at the time. I am doing the best I can. I trust in this.

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April 11, 2010

Day 6 Easy- Anger

I am so angry this morning. I am angry because I am tired of feeling sad and frustrated at not being able to meet my needs, anger seems to be a natural progression. I have heard it said that anger is actually just a really clear indication that change is necessary.

I want change. I want to run away, find some magic that eludes me here. I think I might. If you will take me in for a few days send me an email 12days2inspire@gmail.com

I love Nelson, and being here is too hard right now.

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12 days journal #364 has the question “When you need to get away where do you go?” inside it, or it will, when I make it. Which I will do on my mystery trip and then I will give them away when I am in..... God knows where...oh how I hope there is a warm beach there.

April 10, 2010

Day 5 Easy- Blah!!

I was sick all weekend which triple sucks because what I need more than anything is to go have fun. My mystery illness felt like someone had poured lighter fluid into my small intestine and would intermittently light it up. I missed a party in the valley where there are fresh faces, new connections, a new start. I am ready for the next step God. This perceived stagnation of mine is driving me round the bend. BLAH!!!

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“What has recently changed in your life?” is the question in 12 days journal #363

April 9, 2010

Day 4 Easy- The Gift

Needing a Mirror

Your eyes are so wise.
They keep turning and turning, Needing to Touch Beauty.

They keep turning to find a mirror who will caress you as... I.

-Me and Hafiz and Daniel

Beltane approaches and my body years. Like a flower pressing up through the cold hard earth...towards...sunshine, bare skin, summer love.

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This time of year is always so hard...in certain ways.... and then I remember it is majestic in others.

Today I stood dancing in an alley, warm sun on my back as snow flakes fell, sticking to my shawl. I danced like a crow, arms spread, welcoming spring, again, in all her trickster ways. I was with good friends, all new within the last 2 years. Oh my how quickly my life changes.

Drink in every moment brothers and sisters, there is so much beauty out there.

“What does you body yearn for?” is the question in 12 days journal #362

April 8, 2010

Day 3 Easy- Perfect Day

As of today I have submitted an entry on this blog every single day for a full year. Wow.

I had an amazing day, won a court case, found peace and love with Michael, a new studio opportunity popped up, and I had dinner with a dear friend and my family in a warm, cozy home. It was all so beautiful and easy....And.... I still I feel sadness... loss. It doesn’t consume like it did in the past, its grip is now more of a gentle hand hold, it is still there though... I suppose this is the human side of this human experience.

“I Thank God for being human every morning.
-Michael Franti”

And just to give you one more little morsel of love here is what tonight's tea bag said:

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
-Carl Jung”

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“What does it mean to ‘awaken’?” is the question in 12 days journal #361

P.S. Someone posted a comment yesterday under the name “anonymous“ asking if/saying I was ”losing it, eh ?“. I laughed and thought,” losing“? Ha! I lost it a long time ago! A sense of humour is essential when committing to anything for a year!

April 7, 2010

Day 2 Easy- Om Tara

“Sometimes Love wants to reach out and manhandle me, break all my coffee shop talk of God.

If I had the courage to give God his way, some nights he would drag me round the room by my hair. Ripping from my grip all those gadgets of the world that bring me no real Joy.

Love sometimes gets tired of reflective listening and instead wants to rip to shreds all my misguided ideas of truth. These ideas that make me fight within myself, and with those I love. Causing the World to weep on too many wondrous days.

God wants to Manhandle me, lock us in a tiny room together and practice his drop-kick! Wants to do me the great favour of holding me by the pant legs to shake all the nonsense out.

And when I hear that he is in such a “playful drunken mood”, I quickly pack my bags, ready to hightail it out of town.

Hafiz...with a little help from Bernice.
(say it out loud it kinda rhymes)

Thank you to Neil who delivered this poem to me today. Today was a magical glorious day...perfect

“How do you show yourself empathy?“ is the question in 12 days journal #360

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(I added a picture of a puffin, they are my new favourite bird)

April 6, 2010

Day 1 Easy- Jan Van Eyck

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Every Prophet’s Name

I found completeness when every breath began to silently say the name of my Lord.

That name, my conception of him, extended to me a hand that led to a place where even HIS divine name could not exist... Why?

Most sounds express discontent, longing or negotiation. The tea pot may whistle out an ecstatic cry, but even that I have learned to control until everything I knew burst into a glorious symmetry.

I have no seam, no walls, no law.
My frontiers and God’s are the same.

One Divine Being IS existence.
All the forest on this earth are but one tiny wood fibre, a particle in one spoke on the Universal wheel.

What is the relationship of form to the unseen aspects of God?
What percentage of God is unseen?
What percentage of the Truth of him do we Know?


He led me to a place where only Light existed.
Yet only in Us is God so lost that he asks questions.

The Soul outside all walls never troubled him, never wondered things like, “Where are you my Beloved?”

For now your arms and God’s arms are intertwined!

I said to my Lord, “This Holy Place I have entered...is Your Name the only key to it?”

My Lord replied, “How old do you think existence is? For Eons of time souls have been entering Me. Every prophet’s Name is a key... as is every Heart full of forgiveness and Love.

-Saint Theresa of Ávila...with a little Bernice flavour.

“What is your purpose?”
is the question in 12 days journal #359

Encore Commitment! "Kinda"

I commit for the next 12 days to do...nothing in particular. Easy hey?!

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I have to tie up some loose blog ends. I finished the commitment to this project as it was designed by yours truly. I am satisfied and proud as hell. Now though I want to smooth some things out.

When this whole crazy thing began I wasn’t blogging. The first blog entry was submitted on April 9th, on Day 11 of my commitment to cleanse my system. I also did not start making 12 days journals until I commited to climbing Pulpit Rock for 12 days. What this all means is I actually have to submit 3 more entries to have made an entry-a-day for a full year and I need 8 more journal questions to make 366, the number of days in a leap year. These things are important to me. I came this far...what is one more 12 day commitment?

It needs to be easy though, so I am committing to nothing. I will write an entry because I want these loose ends neat and tidy, but other than that I am going to do NO THING!

April 5, 2010

Day 12 Final Commitment- Begin again

I must have come up with at least 12 excellent ways to begin this last entry, some funny, some poignant, all deep. This feels like a lot of pressure, how can I come up with the ultimate ending? Too much pressure. ACK.

So what have I learned from all this? Well that I am tough as nails, but I always knew that. That I am a little bit crazy, again I knew that. How about that sacred sexuality, self determination, felt presence and real human connection are all essential ingredients of what make me Me. I learned that they are not negotiable anymore. I learned that transparency and truth are essential, but that they are to be respected because they have power. I learned also that I am powerful, and must remember humility. Being powerful with integrity means being responsible. If I am to remain awake I must be responsible for myself, take it seriously...and then remember not to take myself so seriously.

I have no idea how to explain how I feel today as this project ends. I know that my heart pushes at my rib cage. This blessed rib cage of mine, made of bone, cartilage, and connective tissue, all things less plastic than the heart they protect. My rib cage is having a hard time keeping up. My heart feels a melange of sadness, appreciation, fear, worry, joy , loneliness, hope, faith and love love love. As I sit in Oso Negro, my office for much of this project, the noise and energy is so vibratory that I need to step outside. It is a sunny spring holiday, and so many people are here, endless possibilities for human connection. Stepping outside was a good way to go. I spent over an hour talking out back, doing the work, knowing summer would bring even more of this time. This is what it is all about anyway, getting the most out of every moment, the luxury of ignoring this offering is no longer an option.

So the question is simply...what do I do next? Though I will surely try to complicate the answer, I am sure it too is simple. Easy. Part of “Easy” is doing some writing for other projects, ones with a more forgiving timeline, ones which pay well so that I can continue to create. I am looking to use what I have learned from this years project to contribute to what comes next. I will be watching for job opportunities which allows me the freedom to be just as I have been here on the blog, I am prepared for something beyond my imagination. How exciting! I have put it out there, and it is coming...easy.

As for reading the rest of the blog. I am in the process. I committed to it and I keep my commitments. I will however modify a commitment if it is causing me more discomfort than is healthy. When this happens I find a way to fulfill my commitments while staying true to me. This is why I changed how I was fulfilling this commitment, and why I have changed how I am fulfilling other commitments in my life. So I will address the last two months by saying merely this:

“Magical things happen in all of our lives, there is no scarcity. We call in exactly what it is we ask for. So ask...ask for what you want? Believe you deserve it. Believing is the key to exponential growth potential realized. Find the beauty, fully experience the magic, create, create, create and when it is time to let it go. Do... let go. Know that what is coming in next is beyond imagination. Life is easy if you play it forward this way. This is what I am learning from reading my story. I am also learning that I know a thing or two about commitment.”

I was sent this poem by sweet Mari, the circumstances were synchronistic, magical...I won’t go into details, but I will tell you that synchronistic magical moments happen all the time, everywhere, all anyone need to do is.... pay attention.

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~

I know, and have for a while now, that first I must go walking on my own. It is time to believe in what I know.

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(This picture of me was drawn today by Ed. Before it was finished coffee, Oso Negro coffee, was spilt on the drawing...perfect.)

“Where have you gone all by yourself?” is the question in 12 days journal #358. I would end by saying that this is the last journal ever...but it wouldn’t be true. There will be an encore, to tie up loose ends. And of course this project ends and another begins, so you have not lost me, I promise. I have had lots of encouragement to continue this work, and I will...I am just not sure how yet.

Oh and one more thing. 12 days journal #96 came home today. It was created on July 18th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/07/day-3-communicate-3-level-check.html , the day after I posted this same poem on the blog. If you want a little insight into how I work here it is. I believe this journal coming back today has something to teach me. I haven’t gone to read which entry is associated with it yet. I have full faith in synchronicity, full faith that when I do go read this entry again I will find something new, or perhaps old, that is needed right now, and that this is the way I called it in. If I follow these synchronistic moments, moment to moment and remain present, I will learn what I need, I will be taken care of, and I will thrive... it’s all happening.

Thank you all...I love all of you so much. Thank you Thank you Thank you. I am off to read now....

April 4, 2010

Day 11 Final Commitment- me

I just had a big melt down. Cried streams of tears. All this blogging and reading and ruminating on my last year coupled with all this heart break, it is wearing me down.

February 5th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/02/day-1-decision-time-here-blog-there.html I was so greatful for the experience of having Michael write the blog. I got to see what it was like to read about myself and my life on the net under the control of somebody elses fingers. I have imagined what it has been like for my family, my Michael to read this blog right now. It was a crazy thing to have happen to our realtionship right as the project was ending. What did happen to it anyway? I love this picture of Michael. I love Michael.

I love Chris
I love Ayla
I love Lily
I love Rosy
I love Richard
I love Jill
I love my mom
I love Mari
I love Kimberly
I love Bree
I love Vinn
I love Rachel
I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love I love and then i love some more....and it is taking its toll.

I love myself. I can’t do this to myself anymore... I will read it all, I promise, but it is all getting to be too much. I have to stop writing about it all...I really just need to doodle.

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“How do you know when it is time to quit? is the question in 12 days journal #357

April 3, 2010

Day 10 Final Commitment- "Chrysalis is growing thinner.."

January 5th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-6-resolution-present-struggle.html Another entry read and here I am right into the muck! Though if I read it objectively, do not get fixated on how sad and alone I was feeling, I see a womyn who decided it was time to take care of herself. I see also a womyn with a secret, a womyn who has something extraordinary going on in her life, a womyn who doesn’t want to share it fully for fear of being seen of as crazy. I know that by this time I had begun to tell friends about the myriad of symptoms that I was experiencing and that I had found some info from various friends that could explain what was going on. I am beginning to peak out about this on the blog, I am interested to see just how exposed I allowed myself to be about this transformation later on. I also see a womyn who was becoming more and more adept at staying in the moment, creating “a moment” which brings ease and comfort. My secret resolution, this 12 days commitment was to remain present as often as possible, leave the past alone and not try and come up with imagining for the future. This simple practice really has transformed my life.

January 10th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-11-resolution-community-and-sex.html Ah...finally some fucking relief! LOL The reading is less murky now. Life was beginning to FINALLY get easier. This entry is filled with hope. I was really finding myself. I can’t explain the relief I am feeling in my body after reading this entry. Tears are actually welling my eyes, tears of relief that I crawled my way out of the fear and isolation that had engulfed me. I came home to myself. I also noticed how I have become more comfortable with owning my truth. I speak openly and eloquently about sex and its importance for EVERYONE, even those who aren’t having it were made by it, it is time it stop being treated as a taboo. I know this is a big part of my work.

January 11th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-12-resolution-experience.html I smile when I read this one. I really do have an amazing life full of so many experiences. A pay off for saying “YES!” to the world so often.

January 12th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/latest-commitment-accountable.html I chose to meditate with Michael every morning and evening for this new commitment. This was the beginning of us climbing out of the messy hole we had found ourselves in. This was when I began to really feel like we had come out the other side. This meditation we used to do was beautiful, so healing. We used it as a tool many MANY times to get ourselves back to a place of love. It was hard for me to see when reading October, November and December why I stuck in there. Now I remember. The love was so deep, so bloody deep. Michael is a King and at the time I felt closer to him, more connected on a soul level, than I had ever felt to another. He was really helping me understand my awakening, helping me with the fear that drove much of the pain in the last 3 months. We were emerging from our BAM chrysalis at this point. I thought at the time that we had made it through...sigh

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January 15th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-4-meditation-trauma.html Back in California for what would be my last time at school, until I return sometime in the future. Here I am expressing how I was struggling with the content I was learning at school. I was having such a hard time not bringing spirit into that room. Well that is not accurate, I bring spirit with me EVERYWHERE I go, my connection to God is inseparable from who I am. What I was struggling with was how my life/art process was one where dealing with the spiritual realm is necessary, essential, inextricable. This is not something that is the Tamalpa way, even if it is allowed in the classroom, it is not addressed on equal footing with the emotional, physical and mental realm. The truth is I don’t want to openly address my traumatic past without God, it is too painful. Living life as a way to ceaselessly pray gives me such opportunity for personal freedom, this doesn’t work without spirit. This was the major dilemma I was having with Tamalpa at this point. I still love the school, its teachers. I am still dedicated to this school and the life/art process. I trust I can find a way to make it all work out in August when I go back.

January 16th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-5-meditation-79.html I love it...my desire to doodle definitely began to out strip my desire to write! I was sick of writing, and having just read the last three months I can see why!

January 20th MY BIRTHDAY! http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-4-meditation-trauma.html My entire family except Michael were sick, and yet it was one of the best birthdays ever. I can not explain the relief I feel at my reading today. There was a huge shift that happened near the beginning of this month. One I was grateful for then, and am grateful for now since reading the last 3 months has been hellish! (I know I keep saying this LOL, it just feels so much better, my stomach and heart can finally relax)

January 21st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-10-meditation-this-little-heart-of.html Oh Michael...what happened to us? This entry confirms for me what I felt over a month ago when he told me he was leaving. I didn’t get it. I thought we had made it through. Sure we were still disagreeing but we were also doing so well at commiting to the very thing that was not going well, and it was working. In this entry I talk about how our love had matured, how we had become somewhat domesticated and how I liked how this balanced out our road tripping, dreaming, partying side. I still just scratch my head. I don’t get it baby. A quote from the entry acknowledging the hard times and looking forward with faith and more ease:

“Some of you who know and love us have seen our struggles, I am sure some of you even wondered if it was worth it, sometimes the pain was so deep and overwhelming. Thank you for loving us, carrying us when we were too confused to see clearly our path. More than anything thank you for believing in us. Your love and support has made such a difference.“

January 23rd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-12-meditation-to-all-those-i-love.html Another stellar entry! I am in awe of my clarity, of my ability to express it, of how friggen far I have come. I am trying to be good to myself right now, finish this entry and give myself a break before I start on the next, so I am not going to say anymore. If you want to know just click the link above and go have a read. Read about what makes this womyn straighten her back, drop her shoulders, head held high, and own her glory. On this same day we enter Michael Land http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/latest-commitment-alternative.html Where Michael took care of writing the blog for 12 whole days.

January 25th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-12-meditation-to-all-those-i-love.html Oh Michael Sheely, how I love you so. So many dreams, so many beautiful dreams you have. Yet when I read this I wonder, how can you have all you have decided you want in your life without there being room for the individuality of me? I did not come as a blank slate. How can we follow our own path and make it possible to love who we love and not demand of them adherance to what we have predetermined we want? I read the words of a man I love, a man I am commited to, a man who I am presently not even speaking with, and wonder, how did this all happen?

January 28th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-5-michael-land-drop-funk.html Michael and I were often having very differnt experiences at exactly the same time, even when together. This day was really hard one for me, I was getting really really skinny. My awakening experince was really peaking. When I would be in meditation and begin to go really deep, a process I call journeying, I would begin to drop into such a deep place within that I feared not coming back. I imagine this to sound very esoteric when being read, the experience itself is a whole other thing, it was really bloody scary. I was actually afraid of dying at this point. Even went looking for my friend Richard for guidance. I read Michaels words of this same day and I see we were in very differnt places. He speaks of us being at the Ashram. Had I have written this entry I would have told you how I sat in the book store reading ”Kundalini Rising“ and cryed, while he wandered round the aisles ignoring my sobs. I would have told how we went to sing mantra in two different temples, of how I sang out to Shiva and Tara, looking for answers, pleading ”please help me understand what is happening!“. I left the ashram in peace and was able to then start the work of reconnecting with Michael. I gave him a gift, held his hand, massaged his back and eventually he let go of his ”funk“ long enough to speak to me, though the affection was not returned as much as I had hoped. How? How could we have such different experiences? How could we be so disconnected when the evening before, the night he recounts as us ”making out“, was actually deeply connected through love making on a deep spiritual level where we found God in one another? I shake my head, I don’t understand.

January 29th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-6-michael-land-two-line-poems.html This entry makes my heart sing and my eyes tear. I don’t know what else to say except... January 30th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-7-michael-land.html Did you forget?

The reading for this entry ends perfectly on Michael’s very last entry. Febuary 4th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-7-michael-land.html I remember an argument we had during this 12 day period, it had to do with a knit-a -thon and Pulpit Rock. We sorted that argument out by honoring where each other were coming from, understanding one another. I remember thinking when it was over, and we were in each others arms, that we now had the skills to create a realtionship that was easy and limitless. I was so proud of us. This last day of his contribution to my written art installation was a beautiful day. I saw Michael shining, having had the experience of putting his words out into the world, reclaiming his vision and purpose out in the open. It was such an exciting thing to witness him in his glory.

I read your blog baby. I want you to know that I love you. Thank you for all you brought into my life. Follow you dreams brother and we will come together in some regard again when it is meant to be. Who knows what will happen. There are two answers in life, ”Yes“...and ”Not Yet“. Right now things seem to be hanging out around ”Not Yet“ for us. I trust our connection is Divinely inspired, that we were brought together in such deep love for an awesome purpose. I am excited about that purpose.

Right now though....right now I am going to go and enjoy the outdoors, Nelson and myself until this evening when I tackle my second last entry ever (kinda).

”What is your lifes purpose?“ is the question in 12 days journal #356

April 2, 2010

Day 9 Final Commitment- 6:40

I only just got off stage. I am in the green room (which is actually pale salmon). Our ensemble is really sweaty; post performance glow spread cross our faces. It is a dynamic flocking piece, improv dance theatre. Everyone else is debriefing, but not me, I am beginning yesterdays entry today at 4:14. If I can get through this and at least begin today’s I will be on track. So I am off to read.

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(This picture is entitled “3 Kings”, it made me chuckle)

December 5th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-11-just-breathe-worst-case-scenario.html Michael was right. I engage in worst case scenario thinking. I didn’t like hearing it either. I didn’t like the way it was presented to me as the “cause” of my weight loss. This aside, it was true and looking at it full in the face helped me to turn this habit around. I am not self actualized or anything, I still engage, but I recognize it as what it is now. Thank you again Michael for what you have brought to my world.

December 7th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/latest-commitment-12-days-of-avoiding.html I was just under 9 months in and seriously burnt out. I took steps to remedy this with humour by doing the 12 days of Christmas and giving myself a break.

December 8th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-2-twelve-of-twelve.html With the floor in the studio done and only lighting and shelving left to acquire, Michael and I made a mad dash to Alberta. Like most of our road trips it was both deliriously wonderful and agonizing. I met his mama for the first time, what a trip that was showing up at my lovers mothers place while still happily married!

I managed to hide on the blog until December 15th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-9-twelve-of-twelve-bye-bye-baby.html I remember this time, there was big stuff going on, I suppose I just got tired of exposing to the world that I was struggling so much. My struggles were mostly in my relationship with Michael. How is it possible to love someone so much and not be able to get along so often? We had so many beautiful times, so many, our relationship was truly magical, yet there was so much conflict...there still IS so much conflict...Ugh! Then on this day we were told we were being evicted from our studio. It was now painted and furnished. The floor had been renewed and was beautiful, I never really loved a floor until that one, Michael put so much work into it.

December 16th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-10-twelve-of-twelve-dancing-men.html Ah dancing men. I included this one just so you could click and go look at the pictures. Oh how I love to see men dance with wild abandon, with passion, with tenderness. The piece I am performing this evening (and already did this afternoon) has quite a few dancing men in it. It really is becoming more acceptable in our culture, and it is about time. Dancing is one of Gods greatest gifts.

December 19th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-1-gift-of-presence-ordinary.html I felt such love in my heart when I read my own description of my appreciation for Jai Uttal, for his music and his heart. I got to read it as though it was written by someone else. I wrote about things on this blog that I have forgot all about. Writing everyday meant I couldn’t collect all the info and ideas I had written, so I got ok with forgetting, which meant I got to learn again! I learned about a book for Chris by reading my own words today, like learning it anew. What a trip.

December 20th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-2-gift-of-presence-blessed-be.html I can’t come up with anything to say. I feel such a swirling, incoherent, incongruent melange of emotions, feeling and thoughts when I read this entry, I can’t even begin to explain how I feel or what I think about it. I gave up trying.

December 22nd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-4-gift-of-presence-loosing-family.html We were officially evicted from our studio, the negotiation had come to an end, I had 9 days to enjoy Sanctum Studio before all our hard work disappeared.

December 25th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-5-gift-of-presence-under-my-tree.html On Christmas day and I gave myself this gift. This, what I am doing right now. Reading my herstory, reading this year documented, this CRAZY year. If I were going to choose the most transformative year of my adult life, this one would have been it, and what do you know...I chose it. Though I must say that going through all this reading, at a break neck pace, intertwined with road trips, performances, break ups, and Easter, has not been the relaxing, reflective process that I imagined. In a way it has been mildly traumatizing, having my shit all up in my face like this. I trust though that it is perfect, I might as well, I am not quitting. Here it is at 3:20am Easter morning, after two performances and I am still up. I am going to finish writing this entry, then go to sleep. I will edit it tomorrow, then write two other full entries so I can have Monday to do nothing but take an honest look at the last month of my life.....oh my God, Monday is going to be a trip!

December 28th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-10-gift-of-presence-alberta-bound.html Ayla, Michael and I were off to Alberta at this point going to the Intention gathering. It was a phenomanal experience of community and co creation. At the same time Chris, Lily and Rose were back home in Nelson suffering from what we now know was whopping cough. At the time we thought they were merely sick, that they would follow us out a few days later and spend New Year with us. As it turns out Chris and Lily stayed sick for months. Times were rough!

December 30th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-12-gift-of-presence-circle.html For years I have been obsessed with understanding the alchemy of the male/female relationship. I feel I need to state for the record, that if it ever seems with all this talk of Divine Male - Divine Female balance that I am not acknowledging same sex relationship, this is not the case. It is a moot point actually because I am not necessarily talking about romantic connection, though romantic connection is often the most potent union regardless of sex. I am talking about the male and female of our species understanding each other, us learning to get along and thrive! I truly believe that the time has come for us all to put away our ideas and judgements of the other sex and mover towards understanding. Let go of ideas about how “all men” are or how “womyn are emotional” using the “e” word with disdain and distrust. This work, this desire to understand the yin yang dynamic is what keeps me committed to my relationships, with both men and womyn. Commitment is something I know a lot about.


I like this tricky and fun commitment Made on December 31st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/latest-commitment-resolution.html I see how I was continually attempting to use levity to deal with how rough things were. The next day I had a miscarriage. January 1st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-2-resolution-angels.html. Maybe, or maybe it was a well aligned occurrence, a crazy painful moon time driven by a blue moon meeting a New Year on the Gregorian calendar. To bleed on the full moon after performing is a whole lot for me to handle at the best of times. Through in cultural and planetary significance and it is a wonder I didn’t sprout wings that night, to fly fly away. I will never know for sure, I don’t really know that it matters. Having the experience and learning from it, this is what matters.

January 3rd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-4-resolution-mountain-sanctuary.html This entry ends on a sad note. This whole month of reading in fact was really hard. The struggles I endured seemed endless. Loosing the studio, challenging road trips, miscarriage, my entire family coming down with whooping cough. I know there was a whole lot of magic, I remember the magic. It was because of this magic that I continued to have an optimistic attitude, that or I was so caught up in it all I couldn’t see it for what it was. I don’t know. The gap between the past and present is beginning to close, I am loosing perceptive, or at least I am as I write this. I am weary and tired from doing far too much. Tuesday is going to be a good day.

“Have you endured a time in your life which was more challenging than you realized it to be at the time?” is the question for 12 days journal #355

April 1, 2010

Day 8 Final Commitment- Road Trip

I am not writing this entry on this actual day. I spent this “April Fools Day”, which I consider to be the Pagan New Year, driving from Clairsholme, Alberta back home to Nelson, an 8 hour trip. I travelled with my friend Richard. The trip just kinda happened. Tuesday morning I saw him in Oso Negro, we talked about me going to Alberta and the next thing you know we were meting at noon to leave town and go get my new car. Driving out was a blast, we had such an amazing time, we connect really deeply, a couple of Aquarian with big hearts. On the way back we had to drive separate vehicles, which made me appreciate him that much more. So now I have my car but I am behind and I NEED to catch out to finish this commitment the way it needs to be done...on APRIL 5th... I WILL make this happen. Here I go!

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November 6th. http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-6-sacred-space-orange.html Orange. Michael and I were having such fun painting our brand new studio. It was mostly Michael’s doing that got us the studio. It was also him who put in most of the work. Thank you for everything you did for us baby. I love you.

November 7th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-7-sacred-space-blue.html Blue. The first signs that our landlord was less than worthy of our trust. The up side of this entry is, I can see that I WAS aware of my weight loss being an issue. Not only that I learned a damn good lesson about belief in my own beauty being the key to a fantastic body image, not the size of my thighs. I also managed to wrap it up in an empowering package of words and deliver it to my sisters! I loved this post, I am darn proud of having voiced this to the world. (BIG GRIN)

And to round off all the colours here is November 8th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-8-sacred-space-red.html Red. Passion. I am a passionate womyn. I see as I read this entry how hard I was working to deal with all the passion, across the spectrum. I want to go back to that time, take myself in my arms and hold me, caress my skin, my skin that so longs for slow mindful touch. From this entry:

“This is passion, this is the red, it is the stillness attained amongst the worlds emotional chaos while staying open to it full glory. This is the place is I am living towards.”

November 12th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-sacred-space-dry-kindling.html Wow, I am beginning to feel like I am closing the gap between past and present. This entry lets the world know Kelly and Chris have decided to split. Kelly is so great, I really love her. She threw herself into her art when they went their separate ways, and her art work SOARED! I also address in this entry the fundamental issue with which Michael and I go round and round and round. It is funny, I have been heard often saying how “I hate words”. Truth is I LOVE words, look at all the ones I have pieced together here on the blog. It is the dominance of words that I can’t stand. The imbalance that is created when words are not used to explain what is going on inside and instead are used as tools to navigate without embodiment or at its worst manipulate within a strategy. Non-violent Communication (NVC) distinguishes needs from strategies, which are specific plans to try to meet needs.... and then ironically comes up with a strategy to mitigate this. NVC has some amazing principles, it is when the words don’t match the body, then it ceases to be non violent because it lacks honesty. I don’t have the words to describe how mind fucked I have often felt this last year by words, words, words.

November 13th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-1-visual-creation-do-you-believe.html As I began to reconnect with visual art as a medium of expression in this 12 days commitment, I was also beginning to feel safe enough to come out about this curious transformation which was happening to my body, mind and spirit. I am still a little reluctant to talk about it, what I am experiencing is divine and scary. This entry tells of a day I spent with Richard. We listened to music and drew pictures together in Oso Negro, it was magical. It is funny to read about our friendship on the blog after having just spent 3 days together, we are kindred, that is for certain.

November 16th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html Stripping myself more and more naked. I am not sure when exactly this project became about absolute truth. I know Michael Sheely had a big part to play in it all. He taught me about truth and, as is my way, I took the torch and RAN. I really do feel much more at ease now about how truthful I am, at this time though in November it was really really hard. I remember the stress, how it tied my stomach in knots. The night I write about in this entry was a a real reckoning. It took going to the Royal scantily clad for 80’s night for me to really face myself, it was so intense. Did I mention it was full moon?

November 21st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html I didn’t go to California this month. I went to stay at the Ashram across the lake instead. God I think about that time, I was a complete mess. And JUST beginning to understand that I was having an awakening. It was actually here at the ashram that I got my first clue. I read my words and see how on fire I was for the Divine. I have always been a God junkie, things were shifting though. I felt like I was literally coming out through my own shell, like I was a caterpillar on a journey. While I didn’t travel to California this time, I did journey, and it was only the beginning.

November 24th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-visual-creation-bucks-and-drivin.html He did it! Chris got a buck and we have been eating deer ever since. I know it has been part of what got me through the body “crisis” I was having. Having high quality, organic, local meat which is native to the environment I exist in is just what the medicine man ordered. I love Chris with all my heart. He is my King. Him becoming a lone hunter would have been hard had my life not been so full, we used to spend so much time together, missing him is made easier by distraction. I know we will be closer again soon, when the time is right. For now he just loves me up and supports me. We had a fight a few days ago, I see this as a healthy sign. We almost never fight anymore, it is good to know we can raise our passion for each other if we want to. It took us less than 10 minutes to be in each others arms apologizing for our role. I have spent 18 years with this man, half my life, and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Queen.

November 25th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/latest-commitment-just-breathe.html I committed to simply focusing on how I was breathing. Here is a little reminder from Alexi Murdoch. I tried sending him an email today but it didn’t work, maybe he will find this blog and email me back. I have a question I need to ask him about the song “12”.

Oh how this man moves my kundalini with his velvet voice, amazing talent and God speak lyrics.

November 28th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-just-breathe-love-like-that.html Poetry, love and a mantra which is repeated over and over again, as mantras are, in hopes of being heard...sigh.

December 1st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-7-just-breathe-children-of-god.html As I wind down this entry with a knowing that I must do one more today, even if it takes until 4 in the morning like it did last night, that. I am feisty, committed and while flaky at times, can get the job done on time when art and God are the motivators. This entry is dedicated to a womyn who taught me about God. She is a Christian. I am for want of a better descriptor, a Pagan, a follower of the wheel of the year, the planet, the environment, the moon. While it may seem that we would not see eye to eye, it is her eyes I remember most, behind glasses, blue and beautiful. So filled with spirit, so on fire with the love of God. I love you Sister. Thank you for always believing in me, even at time when it tested your faith to its very limit. I am honoured to have been the one to take you there.

I love perfect endings. December 3rd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-9-just-breathe-blankie.html I will end with this Hafiz poem. It is timely for me, helps me to reconnect with what is important, with how I want to be loved.

“Your love
Should never be offered
to the mouth of a Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.
~ Hafiz”


“What would you protect with your life?” is the question in 12 days journal #354

Day 8 Final Commitment- Road Trip Over

I am not writing this entry on this actual day. I spent this “April Fools Day”, which I consider to be the Pagan New Year, driving from Clairsholme, Alberta back home to Nelson, an 8 hour trip. I travelled with my friend Richard. The trip just kinda happened. Tuesday morning I saw him in Oso Negro, we talked about me going to Alberta and the next thing you know we were meeting at noon to leave town and go get my new car. Driving out was a blast, we had such an amazing time, we connect really deeply, a couple of Aquarian with big hearts. On the way back we had to drive separate vehicles, which made me appreciate him that much more. So now I have my car but I am behind and I NEED to catch out to finish this commitment the way it needs to be done...on APRIL 5th... I WILL make this happen. Here I go!

PastedGraphic3.z2CjYtYt4MaG.jpg

November 6th. http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-6-sacred-space-orange.html Orange. Michael and I were having such fun painting our brand new studio. It was mostly Michael’s doing that got us the studio. It was also him who put in most of the work. Thank you for everything you did for us baby. I love you.

November 7th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-7-sacred-space-blue.html Blue. The first signs that our landlord was less than worthy of our trust. The up side of this entry is, I can see that I WAS aware of my weight loss being an issue. Not only that I learned a damn good lesson about belief in my own beauty being the key to a fantastic body image, not the size of my thighs. I also managed to wrap it up in an empowering package of words and deliver it to my sisters! I loved this post, I am darn proud of having voiced this to the world. (BIG GRIN)

And to round off all the colours here is November 8th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-8-sacred-space-red.html Red. Passion. I am a passionate womyn. I see as I read this entry how hard I was working to deal with all the passion, across the spectrum. I want to go back to that time, take myself in my arms and hold me, caress my skin, my skin that so longs for slow mindful touch. From this entry:

“This is passion, this is the red, it is the stillness attained amongst the worlds emotional chaos while staying open to it full glory. This is the place is I am living towards.”

November 12th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-sacred-space-dry-kindling.html Wow, I am beginning to feel like I am closing the gap between past and present. This entry lets the world know Kelly and Chris have decided to split. Kelly is so great, I really love her. She threw herself into her art when they went their separate ways, and her art work SOARED! I also address in this entry the fundamental issue with which Michael and I go round and round and round. It is funny, I have been heard often saying how “I hate words”. Truth is I LOVE words, look at all the ones I have pieced together here on the blog. It is the dominance of words that I can’t stand. The imbalance that is created when words are not used to explain what is going on inside and instead are used as tools to navigate without embodiment or at its worst manipulate within a strategy. Non-violent Communication (NVC) distinguishes needs from strategies, which are specific plans to try to meet needs.... and then ironically comes up with a strategy to mitigate this. NVC has some amazing principles, it is when the words don’t match the body, then it ceases to be non violent because it lacks honesty. I don’t have the words to describe how mind fucked I have often felt this last year by words, words, words.

November 13th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-1-visual-creation-do-you-believe.html As I began to reconnect with visual art as a medium of expression in this 12 days commitment, I was also beginning to feel safe enough to come out about this curious transformation which was happening to my body, mind and spirit. I am still a little reluctant to talk about it, what I am experiencing is divine and scary. This entry tells of a day I spent with Richard. We listened to music and drew pictures together in Oso Negro, it was magical. It is funny to read about our friendship on the blog after having just spent 3 days together, we are kindred, that is for certain.

November 16th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html Stripping myself more and more naked. I am not sure when exactly this project became about absolute truth. I know Michael Sheely had a big part to play in it all. He taught me about truth and, as is my way, I took the torch and RAN. I really do feel much more at ease now about how truthful I am, at this time though in November it was really really hard. I remember the stress, how it tied my stomach in knots. The night I write about in this entry was a a real reckoning. It took going to the Royal scantily clad for 80’s night for me to really face myself, it was so intense. Did I mention it was full moon?

November 21st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html I didn’t go to California this month. I went to stay at the Ashram across the lake instead. God I think about that time, I was a complete mess. And JUST beginning to understand that I was having an awakening. It was actually here at the ashram that I got my first clue. I read my words and see how on fire I was for the Divine. I have always been a God junkie, things were shifting though. I felt like I was literally coming out through my own shell, like I was a caterpillar on a journey. While I didn’t travel to California this time, I did journey, and it was only the beginning.

November 24th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-visual-creation-bucks-and-drivin.html He did it! Chris got a buck and we have been eating deer ever since. I know it has been part of what got me through the body “crisis” I was having. Having high quality, organic, local meat which is native to the environment I exist in is just what the medicine man ordered. I love Chris with all my heart. He is my King. Him becoming a lone hunter would have been hard had my life not been so full, we used to spend so much time together, missing him is made easier by distraction. I know we will be closer again soon, when the time is right. For now he just loves me up and supports me. We had a fight a few days ago, I see this as a healthy sign. We almost never fight anymore, it is good to know we can raise our passion for each other if we want to. It took us less than 10 minutes to be in each others arms apologizing for our role. I have spent 18 years with this man, half my life, and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Queen.

November 25th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/latest-commitment-just-breathe.html I committed to simply focusing on how I was breathing. Here is a little reminder from Alexi Murdoch. I tried sending him an email today but it didn’t work, maybe he will find this blog and email me back. I have a question I need to ask him about the song “12”.

Oh how this man moves my kundalini with his velvet voice, amazing talent and God speak lyrics.

November 28th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-just-breathe-love-like-that.html Poetry, love and a mantra which is repeated over and over again, as mantras are, in hopes of being heard...sigh.

December 1st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-7-just-breathe-children-of-god.html As I wind down this entry with a knowing that I must do one more today, even if it takes until 4 in the morning like it did last night, that. I am feisty, committed and while flaky at times, can get the job done on time when art and God are the motivators. This entry is dedicated to a womyn who taught me about God. She is a Christian. I am for want of a better descriptor, a Pagan, a follower of the wheel of the year, the planet, the environment, the moon. While it may seem that we would not see eye to eye, it is her eyes I remember most, behind glasses, blue and beautiful. So filled with spirit, so on fire with the love of God. I love you Sister. Thank you for always believing in me, even at time when it tested your faith to its very limit. I am honoured to have been the one to take you there.

I love perfect endings. December 3rd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-9-just-breathe-blankie.html I will end with this Hafiz poem. It is timely for me, helps me to reconnect with what is important, with how I want to be loved.

“Your love
Should never be offered
to the mouth of a Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.
~ Hafiz”


“What would you protect with your life?” is the question in 12 days journal #354