January 10, 2010

Day 11 Resolution- Community and Sex

Sunday has never really been a great day for me. Growing up it was often filled with either skiing or cleaning the house, skiing was certainly the better of the two but it involved a lot of stress because it was so competitive. Later when I had kids Sundays were usually spent with only part of our family. Cops often work when others are playing, when others are with their families. Chris was usually working or sleeping off his Saturday night shift. Today though, was a great Sunday. Nothing really amazing happened. We did stuff, ordinary home stuff. At the end of the day we sat by the fire, drinking tea. The kids gathered round and were talking to us about all sorts of things. There were lots of us, together, enjoying simple things. I think this was the hole I felt so many of my Sundays, a hole I now want to fill with the simple pleasure of community.

I want to live more in community. I want to experience more moments coming together with people and sharing simple pleasures. I can feel it coming, I feel a shift in our living arrangements coming. I see us all together, our big blended poly family, and I see more people too.

I still treasure my alone time, oh my God do I need alone time! I need time to reflect, regroup and then I can reconnect. What I want is for a living situation where I can be alone when I need to be, where I can be intimate with others, have one on one time when I want it, and then be able to easily access a group when I want to be social. I want to live in a home conducive to artist expression of many kinds. Where there are quiet places to sleep, meditate, and rest without this meaning others have to be quiet to accommodate it. I want to live in a community where everyone doesn’t need a space of their own, where we can share and lessen our footprint on this planet, BUT where there are always places to go to be alone, and to have this respected and honoured. I want it all...and I believe I can have it.

Recently we were at Intention Alberta, a 5 day New Years festival. It was freezing outside and the indoor spaces were packed with lovely folk. It was beautiful that so many people wanted to be there, the flip side was it was hard to get away. This was addressed by there being a Psych Crisis room, which is wonderful. I wonder though if there were more ways for us to take space and time within community if there would be less crisis?

Let me cut to the chase here. We are all creations, everyone of us was created through the act of sex. Whether we are having it or not sex is one thing we all have in common, it is how we came to exist. Sexuality is part of human community and culture, there is no arguing this. So does it not make sense to admit this and consider it when creating community?


There is a tent which travels from festival to festival in the summer time, The Sacred Energy eXchange (S.E.X.) Temple. It’s purpose is to give people a safe place to make love. Sound crazy? Sound perverse? Sound dangerous? If so perhaps check in with why sex causes such a stir inside when it is a necessary part of our existence as a species. There are rules to using the tent. You must be a member, anyone can become a member you only need read and agree to the guidline for using the tent which mostly includes respect and integrity. You must enter the tent with a partner, it is not a place to go looking for sex, but a place to go with a partner if you are looking for a space to have sex. I myself have never been inside of this tent. When I first heard of it it pushed some buttons. Now having lived for 5 days in a community setting where finding a place to make love presented quite the challenge, I see that the S.E.X Temple is an idea whose time has come!

Space and time to make love is a necessary part of sustainable community. Making love can be a sacred act, one which even without creating a child creates love and connection. This world needs more love, more human connection. We need more places to make love without being chastised, told to “Get a room!”. How often have you heard this? Perhaps even said it? Why is it that people kissing and loving each other in public is met with so much resistance? Seems crazy to want to stop people from expressing love in public.

The other day I was sitting in the Coconut Lounge, and noticed there was only one couch in the whole place, the rest of the seating is comfy chairs. It made having an intimate conversation difficult and cuddling was out of the question as the couch was being used by a single womyn. I mentioned this imbalance in seating to a friend, he told me that they used to have more couches but people would “just come and make out”, so they got rid of the couches. Now people come to the Coconut Lounge, turn on their computers and disappear into their own little insular world, I rarely observe conversation. Tell me, do you believe the world needs more places to disappear into a computer screen or more places where people connect person to person? I know what my answer is, I vote for MORE COUCHES!

Wow this is the longest post I have written in a long while! The topic of lovemaking inspires me, what can I say ;o)

“What do you think of the way sex is treated in our culture?” is the question in 12 days journal #273


  1. I think sex is treated with fear. It's such a powerful thing and I think that frightens people. Along with the steriotypes and bad experiences that people have had in the past that have been blown up. I feel sory for those people cause I look at it as a way you can make your partner feel good. The fear would come from responsibility of managing overpopulation. An imbalance deatroys any environment as has been demonstrated in hystory, and that really gives it a bad stigma. Unprepared, experimenters engaging in an activity that can create new life. Also the attatchment to it because it does feel so good....If those attatchments are broken for any reason people get really hurt and noone wants that....I believe it does have it's right place though and is a healty part of our humanity. As childern we are born sensual and if that is taken away from us, I feel we die. But because everyone is at different levels we need to show respect and not flaunt. And I assume that's easily achievable. Closeness and caring are one thing but making out in public without regard is a bit much. It's not that it's wrong but others may not be in the mood we need to show respect. The picture above looks nice....I hope they're not cold...lol. Having someone near is unbelievable. I'm speaking from a deprived state just to let you know so take that into account when you read my words. But I miss it greatly. Thanks for reading.