April 1, 2010

Day 8 Final Commitment- Road Trip

I am not writing this entry on this actual day. I spent this “April Fools Day”, which I consider to be the Pagan New Year, driving from Clairsholme, Alberta back home to Nelson, an 8 hour trip. I travelled with my friend Richard. The trip just kinda happened. Tuesday morning I saw him in Oso Negro, we talked about me going to Alberta and the next thing you know we were meting at noon to leave town and go get my new car. Driving out was a blast, we had such an amazing time, we connect really deeply, a couple of Aquarian with big hearts. On the way back we had to drive separate vehicles, which made me appreciate him that much more. So now I have my car but I am behind and I NEED to catch out to finish this commitment the way it needs to be done...on APRIL 5th... I WILL make this happen. Here I go!


November 6th. http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-6-sacred-space-orange.html Orange. Michael and I were having such fun painting our brand new studio. It was mostly Michael’s doing that got us the studio. It was also him who put in most of the work. Thank you for everything you did for us baby. I love you.

November 7th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-7-sacred-space-blue.html Blue. The first signs that our landlord was less than worthy of our trust. The up side of this entry is, I can see that I WAS aware of my weight loss being an issue. Not only that I learned a damn good lesson about belief in my own beauty being the key to a fantastic body image, not the size of my thighs. I also managed to wrap it up in an empowering package of words and deliver it to my sisters! I loved this post, I am darn proud of having voiced this to the world. (BIG GRIN)

And to round off all the colours here is November 8th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-8-sacred-space-red.html Red. Passion. I am a passionate womyn. I see as I read this entry how hard I was working to deal with all the passion, across the spectrum. I want to go back to that time, take myself in my arms and hold me, caress my skin, my skin that so longs for slow mindful touch. From this entry:

“This is passion, this is the red, it is the stillness attained amongst the worlds emotional chaos while staying open to it full glory. This is the place is I am living towards.”

November 12th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-sacred-space-dry-kindling.html Wow, I am beginning to feel like I am closing the gap between past and present. This entry lets the world know Kelly and Chris have decided to split. Kelly is so great, I really love her. She threw herself into her art when they went their separate ways, and her art work SOARED! I also address in this entry the fundamental issue with which Michael and I go round and round and round. It is funny, I have been heard often saying how “I hate words”. Truth is I LOVE words, look at all the ones I have pieced together here on the blog. It is the dominance of words that I can’t stand. The imbalance that is created when words are not used to explain what is going on inside and instead are used as tools to navigate without embodiment or at its worst manipulate within a strategy. Non-violent Communication (NVC) distinguishes needs from strategies, which are specific plans to try to meet needs.... and then ironically comes up with a strategy to mitigate this. NVC has some amazing principles, it is when the words don’t match the body, then it ceases to be non violent because it lacks honesty. I don’t have the words to describe how mind fucked I have often felt this last year by words, words, words.

November 13th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-1-visual-creation-do-you-believe.html As I began to reconnect with visual art as a medium of expression in this 12 days commitment, I was also beginning to feel safe enough to come out about this curious transformation which was happening to my body, mind and spirit. I am still a little reluctant to talk about it, what I am experiencing is divine and scary. This entry tells of a day I spent with Richard. We listened to music and drew pictures together in Oso Negro, it was magical. It is funny to read about our friendship on the blog after having just spent 3 days together, we are kindred, that is for certain.

November 16th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html Stripping myself more and more naked. I am not sure when exactly this project became about absolute truth. I know Michael Sheely had a big part to play in it all. He taught me about truth and, as is my way, I took the torch and RAN. I really do feel much more at ease now about how truthful I am, at this time though in November it was really really hard. I remember the stress, how it tied my stomach in knots. The night I write about in this entry was a a real reckoning. It took going to the Royal scantily clad for 80’s night for me to really face myself, it was so intense. Did I mention it was full moon?

November 21st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-visual-creation-truth-about-truth.html I didn’t go to California this month. I went to stay at the Ashram across the lake instead. God I think about that time, I was a complete mess. And JUST beginning to understand that I was having an awakening. It was actually here at the ashram that I got my first clue. I read my words and see how on fire I was for the Divine. I have always been a God junkie, things were shifting though. I felt like I was literally coming out through my own shell, like I was a caterpillar on a journey. While I didn’t travel to California this time, I did journey, and it was only the beginning.

November 24th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-12-visual-creation-bucks-and-drivin.html He did it! Chris got a buck and we have been eating deer ever since. I know it has been part of what got me through the body “crisis” I was having. Having high quality, organic, local meat which is native to the environment I exist in is just what the medicine man ordered. I love Chris with all my heart. He is my King. Him becoming a lone hunter would have been hard had my life not been so full, we used to spend so much time together, missing him is made easier by distraction. I know we will be closer again soon, when the time is right. For now he just loves me up and supports me. We had a fight a few days ago, I see this as a healthy sign. We almost never fight anymore, it is good to know we can raise our passion for each other if we want to. It took us less than 10 minutes to be in each others arms apologizing for our role. I have spent 18 years with this man, half my life, and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Queen.

November 25th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/latest-commitment-just-breathe.html I committed to simply focusing on how I was breathing. Here is a little reminder from Alexi Murdoch. I tried sending him an email today but it didn’t work, maybe he will find this blog and email me back. I have a question I need to ask him about the song “12”.

Oh how this man moves my kundalini with his velvet voice, amazing talent and God speak lyrics.

November 28th http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-4-just-breathe-love-like-that.html Poetry, love and a mantra which is repeated over and over again, as mantras are, in hopes of being heard...sigh.

December 1st http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-7-just-breathe-children-of-god.html As I wind down this entry with a knowing that I must do one more today, even if it takes until 4 in the morning like it did last night, that. I am feisty, committed and while flaky at times, can get the job done on time when art and God are the motivators. This entry is dedicated to a womyn who taught me about God. She is a Christian. I am for want of a better descriptor, a Pagan, a follower of the wheel of the year, the planet, the environment, the moon. While it may seem that we would not see eye to eye, it is her eyes I remember most, behind glasses, blue and beautiful. So filled with spirit, so on fire with the love of God. I love you Sister. Thank you for always believing in me, even at time when it tested your faith to its very limit. I am honoured to have been the one to take you there.

I love perfect endings. December 3rd http://12days2inspire.blogspot.com/2009/12/day-9-just-breathe-blankie.html I will end with this Hafiz poem. It is timely for me, helps me to reconnect with what is important, with how I want to be loved.

“Your love
Should never be offered
to the mouth of a Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.
~ Hafiz”

“What would you protect with your life?” is the question in 12 days journal #354

1 comment:

  1. Ok, that's weird...there was a comment from Chris, and then I posted one, and now they are both gone. ???