“Just experience this moment, and only this moment, don’t add any story from the future or past”
“Just Breathe”
This is the advice that comes in over and over, from where I am too embarrassed to say. It seems simple, and it is, ordinary even. My friend K.D. and I talk a lot about how the simple things, the things that were once so very ordinary are now what we struggle to accomplish most . The extraordinary on the other hand seems to make all the sense in the world; these things fall into place, click- click- click, in a fantastic manner I could not have even dreamed up, or perhaps I did and that is how it all works.
I call my girlfriend again, still no answer. She is not in this moment, not really part of my ‘now’ but I am trying to pull her in anyway. Desperate for comfort that doesn’t come at a cost. Desperate to not feel the worry accompanied with the idea of posting this entry on the blog and dealing with the fallout.
What do I really want? What is this all about? I want to mourn what happened on New Years Day, and I feel anxious and fragile because can’t find the physical or emotional space to do this...God I miss the studio.
(Time Passes)
My friend came, she hugged me while I cried just outside the cafe. We came back inside, sat down, chatted, others arrived. The pain is gone, the sadness lingers but I know from a whole 36 years worth of experience that it too will fade. As for this moment, this one I am in right now, I feel my fingers hitting keys, have awareness around who occupies the seats surrounding me, there is music behind the bustle of voices. I look up, make eye contact, human connection, love. Ahhh... What a lovely moment.
“What do you do that helps you to remain present to the current moment?” is the question in 12 days journal #268
you have support and love from people that you don't even know are giving it.
ReplyDeleteI give you a hug and throw in the air so you can receive it wherever you might be.
love.. love... love....
Kari from Intention
the one who cried before doing open ceremony on new years eve. :)