I changed into my bikini and cowboy boots to get ready to head down to the pool, I have to walk through the outdoors to do this, thus the reason for the cowboy boots. As I went into the closet to grab a robe I was struck by my reflection in the mirror. I still have ideas about what I look like that are based on YEARS of living in this body. To see myself in an unusual setting, wearing an unusual get-up really allowed me to see myself as I am. Oh My God do I look different!!
So I took this photo of myself in full length mirror at the hotel. I am a little shy about posting it. I realize I have put a pic of myself in a bikini on this blog before (when I was swimming in a natural body of water each day) and this is no different, it just feels different because it is winter and I am pasty white. If my cranky blogging software will allow me I am going to post a before and after shot. The before being a pic of me doing my second commitment (climbing Pulpit Rock every day), the after pic is the last day before tackling my second to last commitment. If you see two photos you will know my plan worked. If you see one it is because MacJournal software has a glitch which won’t allow it.
Ok deep breath...here it goes.
(Before. The beginning of this project.)
(After. Near the end of the project.)
“How do you feel about your body?” is the BIG question in 12 days journal #334
I feel great about my body. But I am 34 and it took many years to get here. I was a fat kid. And a fat teenager. In my early 20's I got really sick and lost a lot of weight really fast. It gave me a false good body image. I used my body to use people, and in the process, I used myself.
ReplyDeleteAfter a trauma, I ballooned up to 240 pounds. I stayed there cause it was comfy to be left alone. At some point, I was tired of feeling bad. I decided to get healthy and out of my depression. So I did. I just started taking care of myself and loving myself as I was. It took a couple years, but I lost 90 pounds, got healthy and happy, and have been there a few years now.
I was 31 when I started to like myself and my body.
What a skinny girl, but I like skinny girls! I like my body fine except something has gone wrong with it and it's got to get better. It was always no trouble it seems but now it's sore and out of balance. But I'm working on it and it will heal.
ReplyDeleteWow Bernice. you look hot except isn't that kinda skinny for you? I always thought you were perfect so skinny worries me some. Rock what you got.
ReplyDeleteI like the before pic...I know you've heard it before, but I think you look too thin! Also, you look happier. I'm staying anonymous on this one, because I don't want you to be offended or feel judged (I'm just concerned). As for me, I find I can waiver with how I feel about my body...sometimes I feel proud to be in my skin, others I feel like I want to crawl out of it. Overall, I'm just happy to be me and be living the blessed life I am living.
ReplyDeleteI have observed in our culture that when we lose weight, we see ourselves in a new light, and it absorbs us with our new look and it changes the way we interact with the world. The amount of time we then put on the external increases which often diminishes the time we spend on the internal. It may result in a skinnier, yet unhappier look. Thoughts of how different people should then treat you, if we go down the comparison of how slender people in our culture are treated...such as models so on...which may affect our personality.
ReplyDeleteI love Bernice Whole.
I am glad you were able to post the picture in the bikini, but Bernice I'm sorry to say this but you are to thin. I hope you are taken care of yourself. I myself have body issues and I like myself more when I am active and thinner, but I am realistic. I love food so in order to eat what I want, I have to exersize. It is a hard balance but I think I have finally found a balance that works for me. YOu do look much happier in the first picture.
ReplyDeleteYou are a beautiful woman inside and out and a GREAT inspiration!!! LOve you!!! Kimberly
ReplyDeleteWow, beautiful woman, you have created quite a mirror for people. Well done.
ReplyDeletei think its cool that you also photographed your undies lying on the floor inside your pants.
ReplyDeletexo
kath
Are you open to having a private conversation with me? You are beautiful in both pix, but sweetie, I am worried about you. {{{hugs}}} Message me on FB if you'd like to...
ReplyDeleteOf course I am sweetheart. <3
ReplyDeletewhat an amazing transformation!
ReplyDelete