March 1, 2010

Day 1 Lovin Nelson- Present Tense

In the moment I write this I believe I am the closest I even have been to not finishing this project. Not because I am stressed out, or uninspired, or anything “uncomfortable”, I am more just loving being here in the moment, every moment. It is difficult to get motivated to write about the past or think about my future deadline which is now just over a month away. Can you believe it? I just got an email... oh and Michael just walked in the door after contact dance, I feel the call again to walk away from my computer, experience what is happening right here, right now, cuddle the man I love.

(time passes)

It is 14 hours later now. Right here just has so much beauty, so many conversation to be had, it is making it really hard to get caught up. To help me deal with this I have been asking for help, letting people in my life know that my current state of intense presence has a glorious shadow side that makes being present somewhat inconvenient. I constantly loose my keys, as soon as I no longer need them to run my car I forget them. I have a tendency to want to doodle when inspired, make art from the moment instead of editing posts already written. This is my main reason for falling behind on this blog. I am coming up with creative ways of dealing with this. I am thinking of getting a purse that has compartments (I know other womyn figured this one out years ago, but I never got with the program), or better yet getting Jill to create pockets for my existing bag which I love so much. I am asking friends to kick me out of their shops and homes, encourage me to go write. I console myself with the promise of doodling unencumbered by troublesome thoughts of “work to be done”.

I know I am going to finish, how can I not?! This project is so great, so amazing, and I want this. I am getting better and better at asking for what I want, at giving it to myself and accepting it from others. If you read this you will know I made it through, and know when you do that you helped me in you own specific special way,in a way no one else could because no one else is you. Thank you. I love you.

(pic of me at Esalen, one of the many places I have learned about soaking in the moment)

“How do your friends help you?” is the question in 12 days journal #323

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