Day 1 On Time- HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISSY!

We had to stay in a tiny town called Greenwood last night. As we left Kelowna there was a terrible blizzard. We were rounding a corner covered in slushy snow when our truck began to slide. Hurdling downhill in the middle of driving snow as a semi truck is approaching is a nerve wrecking experience. We hit the concrete embankment on my side, I could feel the momentum of the vehicle continue as I peered over the rocky cliff into a black hole. I thought to myself, ‘if we go over this glass window next to my head is not going to offer me any protection, this could get ugly!’. The momentum toward the cliffs edge abated as Chris pulled us out of the skid. Thank you Chris, thank you God.

Our truck was a heirloom. Passed down from my father-in-law to my husband. His name was Alfred, we called him Opi. Opi said to Chris on his death bed, “The truck is yours now”. This was a big deal, that man loved his truck. As we were skidding again right after the initial impact, Chris started lamenting the damage done to the truck. I was thinking to myself, ‘You have got to be kidding?! Let’s get out of this alive first and then we can worry about the truck!’. I wasn’t taking into account how much this truck means to Chris, I can forgive myself this, I was after all watching my life flash before my eyes! I wondered in that moment as I looked over the cliff who would take care of my kids if we both went on to our next lives? No easy solution came to mind. Lucky for us this is not an issue. We are alive and well and travelling back to Nelson a day late.

And what a day it is! March 13th, the day my husband was born, 38 years ago! We will be going out for dinner tonight, just he and I....or so he thinks. There will actually be a group of friends waiting at the restaurant for him.....IT’S a SURPRISE PARTY! WOOHOO! Lucky for me I am behind again so I won’t be able to actually post this until tonight after it is all over.

Happy Birthday Chrissy! I am so blessed to share my life with you...oh and thanks for being such a good driver....I do appreciate your driving...even when you increase speed around corners while I am writing. :oP

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(Chris this summer with Rose and Lily at the beach in Seaside, California)

“Who do you appreciate?” is the question in 12 days journal #335

Day 12 Lovin Nelson- Before and After

Chris left this morning to go continue his crazy battery of tests. Psychological testing is hard bloody work. I on the other hand stayed at the hotel, went down for breakfast and am now off to the pool to soak in the hot tub. I got the much better deal this trip.

I changed into my bikini and cowboy boots to get ready to head down to the pool, I have to walk through the outdoors to do this, thus the reason for the cowboy boots. As I went into the closet to grab a robe I was struck by my reflection in the mirror. I still have ideas about what I look like that are based on YEARS of living in this body. To see myself in an unusual setting, wearing an unusual get-up really allowed me to see myself as I am. Oh My God do I look different!!

So I took this photo of myself in full length mirror at the hotel. I am a little shy about posting it. I realize I have put a pic of myself in a bikini on this blog before (when I was swimming in a natural body of water each day) and this is no different, it just feels different because it is winter and I am pasty white. If my cranky blogging software will allow me I am going to post a before and after shot. The before being a pic of me doing my second commitment (climbing Pulpit Rock every day), the after pic is the last day before tackling my second to last commitment. If you see two photos you will know my plan worked. If you see one it is because MacJournal software has a glitch which won’t allow it.

Ok deep breath...here it goes.

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(Before. The beginning of this project.)

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(After. Near the end of the project.)

“How do you feel about your body?” is the BIG question in 12 days journal #334

Day 11 Lovin Nelson- Appreciation in Absence

Way back when I was on my third ever commitment, Chris and I went to Kelowna to visit his neuro-psychologist. We had a great trip. On that trip I wrote one of my favourite entries ever. Here is link if you want to trip down memory lane with me.

We are off to make that same trek again. The thing that strikes me is just how different things are now, and at the same time that some things have not changed despite the crazy turns our life has taken. I didn’t even know Michael last time I went to Kelowna with Chris, now he is enmeshed in our lives. It is he who is taking care of the kids while we go away to see where Chris is at with his brain trauma. The thing that hasn’t changed is how much Chris and I love each other. We have been together (for the most part) since September of 1993. We have been through hell and back again(to borrow one of Chris' MANY colloquialisms) and here we are, still in love. The love has morphed, aged, deepened, expanded, the love is not the same as it was when we first met, back when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other for more than a day. Love matures, something I imagine a lot of folk who have never been in a long term committed relationship could find hard to understand. 17 years is a long time to stay consciously commitment to both a relationship and to self. We have done an amazing job.

Oh and I suppose I should acknowledge that it may seem difficult to appreciate Nelson when I am not even there. Don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. If you have ever been to the hospital in Kelowna you will probably understand that existing in this environment for two days REALLY gives me a chance to appreciate where I live....(shiver). To be honest when I started this commitment I completely forgot I was going away. I am making the situation work anyway. Gosh it is good to be my own boss, self determination is the bomb!

“How has you life changed in the last year?” is the question in 12 days journal #333

Day 8 Open Heart Letter- Going Live! in....?

At 11:53 this afternoon, I received the following email:

“Journal #10.... received and soon to be on it's way into the teeming void.
The blog and experiment is amazing. You are so very very cool. I am unspeakably chuffed to be a muse to you. I suppose that makes me amusing?
Your fearless (inspite of fear, not in absence of) candidness will no doubt inspire many. What a beautiful offering to the people in your life, to say nothing of those outside of your life soon to be touched by your inspired efforts.

Big soft ferocious fuzzy illuminating love to you!

J.”

And so as per the ritual I committed to the day I sent out my first Open Heart Letter, I will now be actively telling people about this blog and my experiment. Up until now it had been a secret. I am unexpectedly sad at the idea of sharing it, having a secret is fun. But then I think of the fun I can have telling the world, and well that is more fun! I am in the middle of travelling, I am writing this in the truck as we climb over the Monashee mountain pass, 4 hours from home. I will spend one crazy day tomorrow, packing, waxing, playing, dancing, sleeping, then it is over the border an off to California, where I will actually see the friend who sent this email. At this time I will work on how to best put this experiment out into the cyber world. I am sure facebook will play a part! I am also going to include a new link in the “what’s the score?” section on suggestions fro participating. I would love people to start commenting on individual entries, perhaps answering the question for that days journal. Wow, so much to think about and do. Makes me feel small...but mighty!

I sat in a medical office today with my partner, we both spoke about our experience since his accident. One and a half years ago I sat in the same office. That time I did all the talking, he was barely able to converse. I remember a deep fear that he would never “be the same again”. He was not the man I married, far from it. He was angry, confused, introverted and illogical most of the time. It has long been my belief that I would never be given any more than I could handle, but that day I remember wondering if what I could handle had been overestimated. I have since let go of any silly fantasy of him ever being the same as he was. HECK, I am not the same as I was then. He is a new person. If you met him you would likely not know he had a head injury. He is quirky yes, but then he always was, just in other ways. He is a man who has come through amazing feats, with a new awareness and empathy for what it means to have your “head not screwed on straight”. For a long while he carried round a public health ad he ripped from a magazine which read “Surprise! Someone at your birthday party has mental illness.” He would pull it out and use humour to put people at ease round his inury. The man who sat in the office with us today, his Nuero-Psychologist, has given us amazing care. He believed in Chris’ ability to heal and thrive even when we questioned it. His conviction made it easier to get through the days when there seemed to be no end to the snail like pace of brain recovery. After we left his office today, I wrote him a letter, which included 12 days journal #17, inside the front cover it asks “Can you remember a time when you made a difference in someone’s life?”. It was mailed in Vernon, BC as we made our way home.

Oh and P.S. I had planned a couple of days ago to write to my friend Ryan today, it is his 34th birthday. It didn’t work out that way. He lives across the country. I suppose I will have to come up with a 12 days commitment that allows me to get out there and give it to him in person...but only if he promises to play me a song on one of the hundreds of instruments he knows how to make sing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!

Day 7 Open Heart Letter- Unstoppable!

Ah facebook, the networking tool of our times. My “status” currently reads:

Magdelene just ran 7 kilometres in the barely lit night to swim in Kalamalka Lake, stood naked on the shore howling at the waxing crescent moon...and is UNSTOPPABLE!

I do this to proclaim to the world that I feel fan-friggen-tastic! My morning did not start well. I stayed in bed far longer than I like to. There were harsh words in my house this morning. Family life is not always easy. Sullen faces, avoidance of eye contact, grunted verbal retorts seemed to be on the breakfast menu...not that I ate any. Then slowly the day began to wash away the anger of the morning. There was sweet milky coffee, and a shared joke with the womyn who made it for me. I cracked my first smile. Then some Laddhu’s from the local Krishna food joint. Sugar is so gosh darn comforting. After a shared Indian wrap and a long car ride we were back on speaking terms.

I live in a wonderful mountain town of 10, 000 people that is situated on a pristine lake. Lovely skiing in the winter on gobs and gobs of pillowy powder. With our many lakes, streams and rivers there is much fun to be had during our smoking hot summers as well. The one thing our town does not have is full medical services. We have what anyone might need if they say, got hit by a bus, but for more specialized needs we must travel five hours to the city of Kelowna. Home of the notorious OgoPogo, Canada's answer to the loch ness monster. My partner sustained a head injury nearly 2 years ago and so we make regular visits to his Neuro-Psychologist in this lively vineyard city. So when I say a long car ride I wasn’t kidding!

By the time we neared Kelowna the morning had been forgotten. Since completing my 12 day Pulpit Rock commitment I have been missing daily sweating in the outdoors. So we stopped at a trail near one of my favourite lakes and set off for a hike before dinner. Originally we had not planned to run all the way to the Lake, it was 3.5 kilometres each way and the sun had just set. Once we got going, though, we just couldn’t stop. And once I got to the shore I still couldn’t stop. There is something about a natural body of water that always has me tearing off my clothes no matter the weather or circumstance. There is still snow up on the dessert mountains here in the Okanagan, the water was chilly, but my body was coursing with warm blood and it felt fantastic. My whole life I have had this, this soul salve, the transformative feeling of raising my heart rate, blood coursing, bringing my body alive, it is a gift. I love being active. It boosts my confidence, my love for my body, my love of the outdoors. I have known my partner for nearly 17 years, and for most of that we have been a couple. We have many things we do well together, and this is one of them. Being active together has meant sharing the times that our confidence and awareness is at its peak. He has encouraged me through three children, many injuries and general inertia, with love and humour, to get off my butt and claim this natural endorphin high. And so less than 12 hours from a nasty morning fight we stood on the shore of a beautiful mountain lake, naked and dripping wet as a happy couple. We are a formidable set, strong and committed. We do things a little differently in our relationship, some of our ways seem strange to others. We are certainly not ordinary, but we work, and the proof is in the pudding, old pudding from 1993! Everything from this mornings argument is not forgotten, there are still things to be worked out, there always will be, such is the nature of relationship. But at the end of this day our love is strong with roots that run miles deep. This is the power of a 17 year commitment.

12 days journal #16 will be hand delivered in Kelowna, BC to my naked swimming partner. Inside the front cover it asks “What do you do that makes you feel really alive?”