March 17, 2010

Day 5 On Time- My Truth?

I have stifled myself for too long. I know that may seem a laughable comment from me, here on the blog I speak so boldly, courageously. What I have noticed since Michael and I split is just how often I don’t speak my mind out of fear, fear of verbal conflict. It is not lost on me that fear of conflict creates conflict. This awareness doesn’t seem to change that am still unclear how to deal with it. Stay out of relationships? Forge ahead in spite of fear? Find out how to rid myself of this fucking fear which takes over my heart again and again and again. I am so tired of it.

Two days ago it felt like I had all the answers. Today I feel distant from God and confused.

There is one thing I am not confused about though. I know it is time to start speaking MY truth, MY way, not just here on the blog but in all my relationships.

“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
-Coco Chanel

No one messed with Coco, she knew how to speak her truth aloud.

NOTE: Once I had submitted this entry I started looking at the tarot card website I still had up from yesterday when I was researching the number 18. It took 2 minutes of reading to find out that the moon card, number 18 in the deck, is the card which represents... FEAR..damn it! I had to add this in, to tell you, to share this confusion. This was the last line in the description of this card.

“When we experience the fear of the Moon card we need to take courage, ignore our well-wishers and tread our own path, for only we know, in our own hearts, what is right for our highest good.”

Talk to me heart, tell me what is right for my highest good...please.

“Do you speak your truth?” is the question in 12 days journal #339


  1. yes i speak my truth... ava avione 2010

  2. Fear lets us in on a secret, if we choose to listen and move forward...fear will turn into knowing. If we choose to close our ears the fear grows and grows and then it consumes us. We stand as a shell of what we might be. Then the next fear shows up and so on. Welcome to intelligence, knowing and growth (not "welcome" to you...welcoming the human condition or part of it).

  3. Thank you to Chris for that...I have found that to be so true about fear, also.

    And yes, I speak my truth. My lessons lately have involved knowing when is the right time to speak my truth, and whether or not my listeners are willing or able to hear it. Sometimes timing is everything. And sometimes speaking it just to myself is enough.