January 25, 2010

Day 2 Michael Land- Life and Death: Part II

***Written by Michael***

I imagine there are people who have read this blog wondering who I am, what my story is, and why I am where I am. So I’m going to breathe some life into a story that Bernice has already told you, with a few of my own details.

Bernice and I met in June of last year. I had spent the winter in a three month intensive with a community I started using a guiding vision of empathy-based co-creativity. We worked for three months on empathy training, personal and community development, and authentic, improvisation performance using music, theatre, and dance. Coming so close to realizing the kind of community I dream of being a part of, I realized how important a committed, long-term nucleus of tribe was to support a growing desire within me.

To help with my search I wrote a list, a very detailed list, describing the woman I wanted to find. A month later, mid-way through our summer tour, we put on a show in Nelson. Bernice was there with a friend. I fell in love with her right away. On the dance floor, during our show, our connections were slight, but not unnoticed. Afterwards, the chemistry of our beings began to mingle. At the Velvet Underground, after the show, we found a couch in the back room with a heart shaped pillow and unravelled a magical story together.

We discovered in each other another who shares hopes and dreams for a life of community, art, growth, celebration, devotion, and joy. After only six hour of knowing me she said, ‘On the new moon, I went to the river and prayed. I asked for a man to come into my life; someone who shares my passion for dance, who is on a compassionate path, with a similar communication style, and who is nice to me. And I think you might be him.’

My jaw dropped. I knew I needed to speak, to respond to her openness, to let her know how happy I was to hear what she had said. But I was made speechless by this incredible goddess. Finally, I said, ‘A month ago, I wrote a long list describing the woman I am calling into my life; someone to facilitate with, someone to play with, someone on a compassionate path, a woman in her power, the list goes on, and I think you are everything on that list, all I need to do is to convince you to have a baby with me.’

Now I was out there. Waiting for her response.

She smiled. She told me about a feeling she had. That she might have another baby, if she met a man she wanted to be with who wanted a child. She knew she wasn’t going to have any babies after 37. I asked her how old she was. She told me she was 35.

Something magical was happening. We both knew it. The magnificence of our meeting was undeniable. People around us saw it. We felt it. An eerie feeling of knowing and belonging permeated our encounter.

‘This rarely happens,’ she said, ‘but tonight my house is empty. Would you like to stay over?’ We made love that night for the first time.


After only two and a half days together, Bernice and I then spent almost a month apart. I saw her next when I came to Nelson to watch her in the fashion show at the beginning of July, and then steal her to the coast to join us in our last two shows in Victoria and Cortes Island. We spent 39 days straight together after that. I became convinced that Bernice was going to be the mother of my baby. And although there is no baby, yet, we have been flirting with the possibility ever since. If I had met myself, I would have told myself I was crazy. It’s too soon to know. You need more time. How can you be sure? But this was a knowing I can’t explain. One that wasn’t meant to make sense. Now I live with Bernice, her husband Chris and their three girls, Ayla, Lily and Rosy, in our small house on the mountain above Nelson.

So for those who wonder, ‘What’s a single, travelling, anarcho-buddhist, minimalist, conscious dance culture catalyst and general renegade of the ordinary doing living the domestic life with a family of five?’ The answer, ‘Because I have found the woman I want to make a life and a baby with.’ It’s not all easy. I’m sure you know that. But we’re learning to make it easier. Remembering we love each other. Remembering to trust each other. And we are focusing on getting Bernice healthy. Because one day soon, we are going to make a baby.

Today’s post is about life, sharing life, living life, making life. And adding a little new life, to an old story.

“Have you ever made a decision with your heart that didn’t make sense to your mind?” is the question in
12 days journal #288


  1. have you thought of reality tv? you guys would make millions! love and good luck, lance

  2. I don't feel comfortable giving details, but the answer to the question is yes. ;-)