January 4, 2010

Day 5 Resolution- Grumpy Day

I fucking hate being ignored! Seriously, it is childish, so childish. I find myself being so triggered, being ignored is something I feel sadly familiar with, have had a relationship with my whole life. And so the anger rises, I feel it in my body, tight stomach and diaphragm, ahh, here comes the nausea. By the time the ignoring is interrupted in some way, by either me or the other party generally the emotions are so high that the possibility of them not affecting my voice and demeanour are pretty slim and things tend to worsen before they get better. I hate the whole stupid childish cycle, hate that as I sit here typing I feel powerless to not have it negatively affect my day...and I only woke up an hour ago. FUCK!!

I tried a bath, it helped, calmed me down, a little self care can go a long way. Perhaps eating? Maybe time? I am reticent to try talking because of the way my anger sadness and frustration affect my voice....ugh. I hate this. I sure hope things get better today...sigh.

(Time passes)

Naw...not really.

“What makes you grumpy?” is the question in 12 days journal #267

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