Day 11 Resolution- Community and Sex

Sunday has never really been a great day for me. Growing up it was often filled with either skiing or cleaning the house, skiing was certainly the better of the two but it involved a lot of stress because it was so competitive. Later when I had kids Sundays were usually spent with only part of our family. Cops often work when others are playing, when others are with their families. Chris was usually working or sleeping off his Saturday night shift. Today though, was a great Sunday. Nothing really amazing happened. We did stuff, ordinary home stuff. At the end of the day we sat by the fire, drinking tea. The kids gathered round and were talking to us about all sorts of things. There were lots of us, together, enjoying simple things. I think this was the hole I felt so many of my Sundays, a hole I now want to fill with the simple pleasure of community.

I want to live more in community. I want to experience more moments coming together with people and sharing simple pleasures. I can feel it coming, I feel a shift in our living arrangements coming. I see us all together, our big blended poly family, and I see more people too.

I still treasure my alone time, oh my God do I need alone time! I need time to reflect, regroup and then I can reconnect. What I want is for a living situation where I can be alone when I need to be, where I can be intimate with others, have one on one time when I want it, and then be able to easily access a group when I want to be social. I want to live in a home conducive to artist expression of many kinds. Where there are quiet places to sleep, meditate, and rest without this meaning others have to be quiet to accommodate it. I want to live in a community where everyone doesn’t need a space of their own, where we can share and lessen our footprint on this planet, BUT where there are always places to go to be alone, and to have this respected and honoured. I want it all...and I believe I can have it.

Recently we were at Intention Alberta, a 5 day New Years festival. It was freezing outside and the indoor spaces were packed with lovely folk. It was beautiful that so many people wanted to be there, the flip side was it was hard to get away. This was addressed by there being a Psych Crisis room, which is wonderful. I wonder though if there were more ways for us to take space and time within community if there would be less crisis?

Let me cut to the chase here. We are all creations, everyone of us was created through the act of sex. Whether we are having it or not sex is one thing we all have in common, it is how we came to exist. Sexuality is part of human community and culture, there is no arguing this. So does it not make sense to admit this and consider it when creating community?



There is a tent which travels from festival to festival in the summer time, The Sacred Energy eXchange (S.E.X.) Temple. It’s purpose is to give people a safe place to make love. Sound crazy? Sound perverse? Sound dangerous? If so perhaps check in with why sex causes such a stir inside when it is a necessary part of our existence as a species. There are rules to using the tent. You must be a member, anyone can become a member you only need read and agree to the guidline for using the tent which mostly includes respect and integrity. You must enter the tent with a partner, it is not a place to go looking for sex, but a place to go with a partner if you are looking for a space to have sex. I myself have never been inside of this tent. When I first heard of it it pushed some buttons. Now having lived for 5 days in a community setting where finding a place to make love presented quite the challenge, I see that the S.E.X Temple is an idea whose time has come!

Space and time to make love is a necessary part of sustainable community. Making love can be a sacred act, one which even without creating a child creates love and connection. This world needs more love, more human connection. We need more places to make love without being chastised, told to “Get a room!”. How often have you heard this? Perhaps even said it? Why is it that people kissing and loving each other in public is met with so much resistance? Seems crazy to want to stop people from expressing love in public.

The other day I was sitting in the Coconut Lounge, and noticed there was only one couch in the whole place, the rest of the seating is comfy chairs. It made having an intimate conversation difficult and cuddling was out of the question as the couch was being used by a single womyn. I mentioned this imbalance in seating to a friend, he told me that they used to have more couches but people would “just come and make out”, so they got rid of the couches. Now people come to the Coconut Lounge, turn on their computers and disappear into their own little insular world, I rarely observe conversation. Tell me, do you believe the world needs more places to disappear into a computer screen or more places where people connect person to person? I know what my answer is, I vote for MORE COUCHES!

Wow this is the longest post I have written in a long while! The topic of lovemaking inspires me, what can I say ;o)

“What do you think of the way sex is treated in our culture?” is the question in 12 days journal #273

Day 8 Committed To Self- Devotion

I am feeling a little sheepish to admit I have never really read any Osho. Seems a staunch new ager like myself, really should have dedicated some time to this Indian mystic and spiritual teacher, luckily I no longer believe in “should”. It is only 9:30 in the morning and I am already making confessions. I might as well keep them coming.

Sexuality is a very important form of spiritual expression for me. Bhakti, active involvement in Divine worship, is the stream of yoga which I resonate with most, the one which comes naturally. I consider lovemaking to be Bhakti, sex can be the ultimate act of devotion to God. I feel more connected during lovemaking than I do participating in any other form of worship, even singing and dancing, which says a lot! I have waded through some Tantric readings, and am usually left with a feeling of befuddlement, the rules and information often seem contradictory, out of alignment with my experience. Reading for knowledge and understanding has long been a struggle for me, I am much more of a hands on sort of womyn, I learn by doing. In this case doing “it” is how I have come to understand God, and perhaps some form of Tantra. When I make love I hear things, understand things, come to know things, I suppose it could be called channelling. I become aware of what works to bring me closer and what makes the Divine harder to reach. In this way I have navigated my way towards an ability to orgasm repeatedly, in varied ways. My connection is such that I have had an orgasm from hearing poetry read, inhaling my partners breath, thinking of my partner,or simply being touched through clothing, to name just a few of my glorious experiences. To be clear orgasm is in not the destination, lovemaking is the point of love making, paradoxically though keeping this intention seems to increase the orgasms. They certainly are a delicious perk, one which I believe opens a portal, to what I don’t know, but I know it is God.

Lately I have stumbled across a lot of ideas about sexuality which I resonate with. Michael is reading The Passionate Marriage,by David Schnarch, he has been reading me bits and pieces from its pages. What he reads to me is often information I already know, I don’t know how I know it, I just do. Like the idea that having an orgasm with my eyes open, looking with full reveal into my partners eyes can bring ecstasy and connection from allowing myself to be completely seen and that this will flow over into the rest of my relationship, allowing me to find healing through lovemaking. I knew this without knowing I knew it, something that David himself says is rare, and wonderful for those of us who are blessed to have found it.

This morning I was sent this quote of Osho’s by my friend KD:

“People are against me because I'm telling people how to love. I'm telling people how to love so deeply that love itself becomes your religion - that your woman one day disappears and you find God there; that your man one day disappears and you find God there; that one day, in deep communion, in deep orgasmic experience, in that ecstasy, for a moment you both disappear and there is only God and nothing else.

You have been taught down the ages to be against sex and that has made you very sexual. That's what has happened to the whole humanity: repressed sex has become the obsession.

People think I am teaching sexuality? I am teaching transcendence.



Remember, there is no need to be afraid of women, no need to be afraid of men. We are all alike, the same God. We have to learn how to love each other. We have to come closer to each other because that is the only way to come close to God. Love is one of the greatest doors to God, just as awareness is another. I teach you both: a loving awareness, a conscious love. And with this you will become integrated, you will attain individuation. - Osho”

Never were truer words spoken.

These words of Osho’s describe how I make love; knowing that my partner IS God, IS me, that WE are a beautiful manifestation of God, of ALL, in a glorious act of devotion. I have been asked what my secret is, how I do what I do in the act of making love, how I find such ecstasy. My secret is, Bhakti. A secret I want to share, have it be a secret no more, that making love with complete devotion is how I have attained glorious fulfillment within my soul, spirit, mind and body. Some others may have found this through toys, techniques, positions, rules, and I am so happy for anyone who is satisfied and fulfilled. I choose transcendence instead.

There is still plenty left to learn, I certainly don’t have all the answers, which is delightful and exciting! I am committed to fully accepting my sexuality and supporting others to do the same. I know that this is part of my calling, my reason for being here this time around.

My God, I can’t believe I am going to submit this, I am blushing at the idea. Truth, truth, and more truth...this is what I am here to do.....(clicking “Send to Blog” on my MacJournal blog program)

ACK!

“How do you believe a person attains sexual fulfillment?” is the question in 12 days journal #186. I can’t wait for this one to return.