May 13, 2009

Day 9 New Friend- Housekeeping

Today feels like a housekeeping day. I have heard from a few folk about journals and have yet to put it here on the blog. So here is the skinny:
  • The Open Heart Letter which was sent to Salt Lake City with 12 days journal #15 was received. My good friend Matthew said he was speechless, which while heart warming, doesn’t make for great blogging. (You know I love ya brother)
  • Chris, my partner, was hand delivered an Open Heart Letter with 12 days journal #16 inside. He has sent it away to Manitoba to a dear friend who was in our wedding nearly 12 years ago (can you flippin believe that? I still feel 22 how could I have been married 12 years?!)
  • I had been keeping this project a bit of a secret, slowly coming out with it. I had wanted to keep it a secret from my kids until they got their Open Heart Letter and 12 days journal #19, but yesterday My eldest let it slip that she knew about the experiment. She saw a journal in town, recognized it from the ones hangin round our house, read it, and found the website. There is no keeping secrets from a 13 year old. She didn’t however remember which journal she had seen. Bummer. Incidentally their letter and journal still sit in our mailbox, I haven’t had all 3 kids in one place all week, I want them to discover it in the mailbox together.
  • Just today I FINALLY mailed the Open Heart Letter containing 12 days journal #14. It took me till now to get her address as she was off in Europe being her fabulous self.
  • 12 days journal #21 which was sent to yours truly by...well yours truly, arrived today. I have not opened it yet, I want to wait until my children are asleep. I want to be alone, perhaps in a warm bath, when I open it. When I can really take in what I wrote to me just over a week ago.
  • I started a facebook group where you can find out about events, and updates. You can join here.
Yesterday was the first day I came out with this project full force on facebook. It also is the day I received more views of the blog than any other. So the blog side of things is going well. I admit to getting impatient on the journal side of things though. I want for the answering of the daily question to be a big past of this. I WANT PARTICIPATION! I would love to hear from YOU! Ya you, who is reading this right now. It would be easier to be patient in waiting for the journals to return home if there was some back and forth right now about the questions being asked....SO...PLEASE use the comment section below each entry to write comments or better yet answer the daily question. I know a very important part of being able to answer freely is anonymity so I have set up this blog to allow anonymous posting if you prefer. Just don’t post anything you will regret...SPEAKING OF REGRETS....(how's that for a cheesy segue?) When I outed my eldest daughter last night on knowing all about the experiment I did so by asking her what she thought a good question would be. She came up with a great one; “Is there something in your past you would like to make amends for?” which went inside 12 days journal #30. which brings me to today’s stranger. First off I have to say...this stranger thing is hard! It wasn’t in California but has been since I got home. Like yesterday I fretted all days and just when I thought I might have to give up.....

I was in the office supply store buying journal labels when I heard an acquaintance and a TOTAL STRANGER, talking about purchasing journals, discussing which were best. I butt my nose right in and and sang the virtues of my beloved moleskine’s, the only journal I use for the 12 days journals. The womyn asked “Really? what do you use them for?”. Right there in my hand was 12 days journal #30, we chatted briefly about the project and I asked if she would take the journal. She agreed...phew! Only 3 more strangers to go...


  1. my imbalances and my bullying.

  2. I would like to make amends for the times that I was so angry at my children that they feared me. I remember what this was like when I was a kid and I swore that I would never do the same thing...and then well...I ended up doing the same thing. My children are precious to me and I love them and they should never be afraid of me.

  3. When I consider what I would like to make amends for the first thing that occurs to me is to make amends to myself for failing in the past to stand up for myself and realize my full potential. When I further consider this also extends to my friends and relatives who would be affected by my not taking opportunities that came to me and not fully developing my abilities that would impact the world and those around me. There is no blame here, all circumstances create the reality that we are and those do not change and I forgive myself and others for perceived shortcomings. I'm sure, given the way things have worked out and the restrictions that seemed to be in place that I did well, but there is always the opportunity to go further, to take the next risk in extending oneself to others particularly, regardless of the fear or discomfort involved, which of course is the theme at this time. I am more willing now to put my defenses aside although they served me well in the past, they maybe served me a little too well.

  4. I would like to make amends for all those horrible, horrible times when I was in survival mode, which meant that I put my ex's selfish needs, as well as my need to feel safe, ahead of what my children needed. I believe that leaving him, and my process of healing since then, is moving along the amends-making beautifully and I feel so very, very grateful that I was given a second chance to return to mothering them the way that I want to, the way that they deserve to be mothered, and that I can do so now without fear of negative repercussions for it. Not everyone is lucky enough to get a second chance before it is too late...I am truly grateful for that!