May 3, 2009

Day 11 Open Heart Letter - Transparency

I had an uncomfortable meeting with a friend this morning. I found I could not look into his eyes. I do this when I feel transparent. When I feel as though allowing someone to look into my eyes will translate into a complete blow by blow of every contradictory feeling coursing through my mind. This feels vulnerable. My eyes don’t lie. Which is not to say that now and then despite my best efforts I don’t lie, I just can’t do it while looking you in the eye. I passed this trait on to my eldest daughter. She is 13 and is a TERRIBLE liar. She apparently has also learned to avoid eye contact to deal with keeping some of her truth inside. She went to a party recently and as it turns out there was some alcohol consumed there, something she managed to keep secret for a week. I was a little surprised when I found out. It surprises me even more that I WAS surprised. 13 was not so long ago, I remember it quite well actually. To be honest this group of kids is FAR more responsible than the group I hung with at 13. It surprises me I realize because I am now in the role of parent. She is my little baby and while part of me looks so forward to watching her become a womyn, part of me also longs to keep that little nursing baby who thought I was all there was in the world. When I could protect her from just about anything. It gave me the illusion of control, illusions can be very comforting in a denial sort of way.

Today's letter goes out to a new mama who is still the world to her brand new little one. Yet she is also still being a mother of the pack, looking out for my not so little one. She was my eldest’ teacher until recently when she and her partner decided to have a wee one of their own. When she heard about the party where the drinking happened she found a way to talk to the group about what had gone down. Imagine that, a whole group of teens talking openly with their teacher about the goings on at a party! That is just a small insight into what an amazing rapport she has built with these young adults. She then took the time to email the parents and without even the slightest condescending word spoke frankly about her conversation with the teens, and their version of the events that night. She was supportive of everyone involved, taking side was not an issue, it is obvious that she sees no “sides”. Every child/teen who is touched by this womyn is blessed, as are their parents. We are so very blessed that she chose to follow this calling, both that of a teacher and that of a mother.

12 days journal #20 goes to 6 mile, near Nelson, British Columbia and will be delivered from Woodacre, California where I will be tomorrow. The question inside reads: “Do you feel there is something you are meant to accomplish in this lifetime?”

1 comment:

  1. I DO feel there is something I am meant to accomplish in this lifetime, but I don't know for certain what it is.