May 27, 2009

Day 11 Community Support- Rocks!

Today I am cheating a little bit. Tomorrow is a very special day, for a number of reasons. This has me doing my current 12 days commitment a little differently. I will be passing out 2 journals tomorrow. To help you understand why, let me tell you a little story about a boy and a girl.

Nearly 17 years ago a very handsome boy met a very feisty girl. They had a lot of fun together. After about 3 1/2 years they were joined by a sweet baby girl. When this baby girls was 1 and a half the boy and the girl decided to get married. This happened in secret, beside a waterfall with only 3 witnesses, the baby girl was one of them. This was 11 years and 364 days ago. The boy and girl hid that they were married. Then a year to the day later they had a big party, with a white gown and a uniform and cake and flowers, all by the same waterfall.

The family of 3 then moved to a town called Slave Lake in northern Alberta, they didn’t like living there but they were in love and were best friends so having each other was enough. While living there another sweet baby girl was born in the couple’s living room. That night they all snuggled in bed, a lucky family of 4.

Some years later they moved to Pemberton, British Columbia. A beautiful little town in the mountains. The family was very happy about this, and very happy also that 3 months after moving there arrived ANOTHER sweet baby girl, born in their new living room. Now they were a family of 5.

Years passed, and things took a turn for the worse. The family was mostly happy but the boy, who was now a man, was sad a lot. He was having a hard time with all the sadness and pain he saw everyday in his job. The girl, who was now a womyn didn’t know how to make it all better. They still loved each other, but sometimes they wished they could have back the days when there was more fun and less pain.

The family moved again, this time to Nelson British Columbia, a place where the girl who had become a womyn had dreamed of living her whole life! The boy who had become a man moved there first while his family stayed behind to finish school. This was 1 year and 364 days ago. He didn’t like being in their new home alone, there was too much time to think about all that he had seen in his very violent job. He had been sick for a while, sick with a pain in his heart that was beginning to affect his head. Once his family moved to Nelson the womyn decided she had to leave for a while. She was quite angry at the loss of the fun loving boy she had married. She didn’t know what to do with his anger, didn’t know how to make life fun again. So she ran away for 2 weeks. She told her family she was going on a surf trip with a friend for a 40th birthday, but really she was going to yell at the ocean, ask God to make everything the way it use to be. When the womyn was away the man decided he couldn’t take it any more. He rode his mountain bike down a steep hill and ran into a big big rock. He wanted the pain to stop, he found a way to make that happen. The man broke his leg and hit his head. The womyn came home and was happy! This broken leg meant a break for the man from work, a chance to be away from death and unhappiness. Neither the man nor the womyn had any idea what troubled times lay ahead. The mans brain was injured in the crash. He was very angry all the time, he couldn’t think straight, he forgot things. He lost his sense of humour and didn’t laugh anymore. He was in constant pain and was irrational. The crash did not take away the pain in his heart, it made it worse, because now he was too confused to understand any of it. The womyn thought she should leave the man for good, take the kids and go. The man thought she was probably right. But the thing was they still loved each other. What were the man and womyn to do?

Well they struggled, and they fought, and they loved, and they cried, and they went on day after day. They learned to ask for help, and they got it too! Mostly from very unexpected places. The man saw some wonderful doctors and counsellors. He worked very very hard to heal the damage done, not only by the rock, but also the job where he wasn’t taken care of very well. He worked SO hard. The womyn worked hard too, to get him the support he needed and to tell his truth when the damage done to his brain and his heart meant he could not stand up for himself. They just kept on loving each other and supporting each other even when sometimes they made choices in their marriage that others did not understand, that was ok, because THEY understood. And so it is now 11 years and 365 days since this boy, who became a man and this girl, who became a womyn were married. Tomorrow they will go out for dinner at Fusion, a restaurant run by the most talented chef in all of Nelson. The womyn will take
12 days journal #44 with her and give it to the chef and owner Jamie. Inside will be the question “Can you think of a time when you stuck through something really difficult , and later were very happy you did?”. They will eat delicious food, prepared by a talented local, to celebrate their commitment to one another, through “better or worse”. She will drink wine while he drinks something fruity and fizzy, because he is committed to healing his mind and his soul and this means not drinking alcohol. She will get a little silly and flirty on her wine and he will think this is adorable, because even after 17 years she is still the most beautiful womyn in the world to him. I know this because the boy, who has worked very hard to become an absolutely amazing man, tells me, the girl, who is now very much a womyn, this very thing nearly every day.

Happy (almost) anniversary my sweet, loving, devoted husband. I love you with all of my being. Thank you for all the hard work you have done; In raising our children, in the work you did for the force, you were the most amazing member I EVER knew, and for all the work you have done to get better, including choosing that rock.

Taken 10 years and 364 days ago, when we were married the second time. Very few people know this wedding was a “fake”. Well until now!


  1. what a tale of truth and beauty is this~~ merci beaucoup ma belle. xoxox Vita

  2. Although I didnt make it through those hard times with my kids mum, I am moved and inspired by your heartfelt words and would like to congratulate you on making it to this point in your development as a couple/family.
    Your family were the sweetest neighbours that we ever had, and we miss you very much!!
    I truely understand your comment about it seeming like a lifetime ago!! Many lives in one lifetime,indeed! We are very blessed to be able to experience ALL that life has to offer and I am sending you a LOve filled with the power of a typhoon!!
    Dont stop believing!

  3. I'm sitting here crying over your wonderful story, happy and sad at the same time. I so enjoy being around all of you. Life is a daring adventure, eh. Thanks for sharing yours.

  4. Bernice I am crying with recognition as I read your beautiful story.. after 13 years and many choices that no one understands but us... we stand strong too. No one ever can really tell you what marriage, children and the journeying together on the same path is all about.. you have to live it.. you and Chris have lived it beautifully and are an amazing example to everyone one around you.. Your focuss on community is reflected in your choice to live and work on relationship together..
    This year has been an incredilbe challenge for us working through a head injury as well.. I know what it feels like to be supported by an incredible spouse. Many times this year I remember talking to you when Chris was going through hard times and realized how challenging it is for the person who is well to stay strong and sunny enough for both people.
    I thank you for your shiny example and I applaud you two for standing strong...
    Celebrate and enjoy your love!!!!

  5. How lucky you are in each other and how lucky your children to have such footsteps to follow. Have a fabulous dinner!

  6. I made it through the first paragraph without crying. That was it. Your beautiful words reminded me why we are still together and why I love you with all my heart. Good times, hard times and everything in between.

    My life is so much better and richer with you in it. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for three beautiful children. Thank you for being my rock, my voice, my emotional lifeline. Thank you for keeping our family together. Thank you for being so tough and so vulnerable. Thank you. You are a blessing in my life. Happy anniversary.

  7. I know I know I said I wasn't going to post here in the comments...I just wanted to say how overwhelmed I am with all of your gushy sweet words, both here on the blog and elsewhere. Part of how Raabis and I keep things together is by being supported by our community....I am sensing a theme here! LOVE TO YOU ALL!!

  8. I've always looked to your relationship as something so undeniably full of love. When I think of what I'm working towards I think of you two and feel inspired. Thankyou! Hope you both have a most fantastic evening and your years ahead together continue to bring you the amazing blessings you both so deserve. Happy Anniversary!

  9. Ok, so I made it through the whole post without crying but ended up doing it anyway when I read Chris' post. LOL. I would wish you guys much love and happiness, but you already have that. {{{{{hugs}}}}} to you both.