May 29, 2009

Day 1 Asking For Help- What do you do anyway?

Ok I admit it I am overwhelmed! I was thinking the other day that some who read this might be thinking "Doesn’t this womyn have a job?!"  Well it feels like THIS is my job! This experiment, this project, this blog, these commitments.

When we moved to Nelson I had planned to look for part time work having left my job at the Whistler Waldorf school as the handwork teacher.  I worked there only part time as my Rosy was just little and still needed her mama a lot. Chris was working 50-60 hours a week, so even working part time was hard. Our family home-schooled for many years. Always having at least one of us parents around was the way we did things, it was what we believe was right for our family. Since Chris had other commitments this meant I was the “go to” parent the vast majority of the time. 

Then Chris had his accident and our whole lives changed.... in MANY ways. There were the hard parts, there is no doubt about this! But there was a whole other side to the injury that was unexpected and, to be honest, quite wonderful. I suddenly had so much more time than I used to, or at least a different kind of time than I used to. Chris was put on a strict protocol for healing which included a regimented schedule. He took over waking the kids up in the morning, taking them to school, picking them up, making dinner and putting them to bed. While he had always helped with these things, they were now his responsibility as a prescription towards wellness. You may be able to imagine the freedom this gave me! Not right in  the beginning. It was MORE work at first, I had to hold his hand a lot,  keeping him on track. The injury really messed with his memory and ability to multitask. But by 9 months into it he didn’t really need me any more. So I did something I hadn’t done in 13 years. I went back to school. 

I attend the Tamalpa Institute in Marin county California. I fly down there for one week every month. I go to school, I dance and I spend time with the many friends I have made. After 12 years of hard core parenting, much of it on my own, I felt like I had been reborn. In many ways I was, ask anyone who knew me from before! When I am at home in Nelson I take distance courses through Thomspon River University. I am earning the degree I stopped 15 years ago, when I instead journeyed into motherhood.  

I have hated the question “So what do you do?” my whole life. Mostly because my answer was never simple and it rarely involved much of a pay cheque. My ventures have always been holistic and artistic in nature. The answers I had to the much dreaded “what do you do” often didn’t even make sense to the person who asked. In this area I have always felt somewhat marginalized. Technically I am a student at the moment, so I have an easy answer. Of course now I would have to answer “I WAS a student”, because since I began this project I haven’t done any school work! I am thinking that I might have to take the rest of the year off to complete this! Which my logical mind tell me is a crazy thing to do. But this experiment is too good to give up, and it is not in me to do it half assed. So today when someone asked me, “What do you do?” I said . “I am writing and doing a research project”. Funny thing, it was just official enough that the asker nodded and was content with the answer. Who would have thought?! Now I wonder what I will say when I am finished this whole thing in 312 days?

I received this question and answer, from an anonymous follower, for 12 days journal #46

“Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

“In ten years I see myself in a very good place. I see myself surrounded by the people I love. I have a wonderful relationship with my children and my wife and I have a lot of love in my life. I see myself financially abundant and living in a beautiful house full of lovely art, some created by me, some created by my family and some purchased to support local artists. I see myself travelling the world in environmentally respectful and adventuresome ways. I see myself as a published author who writes books that become best sellers and I give talks to audiences full of people. I see myself as having had to travel a tough road for a time that opened up many, many new possibilities and opportunities in my life. Yeah!!!”

Wow. Can I just borrow your answer? It sounds pretty gosh darn good!

Before I give today’s journal to my friend, I will include an answer to his question. I am going to keep most of what I write a secret, but I can tell you it will include that within the next ten years I will have a concrete answer to to the question “What do you do?”

1 comment:

  1. Ok, so this will sound kind of sad. I have NO CLUE where I see myself in 10 years. I have had to STOP thinking about the future because I found myself so worried and anxious about not having a game plan or even much in the way of intention that the stress of it was keeping me from enjoying all the blessings I have in the here and now.

    So, in 10 years, I think I see myself having figured out where I wanted to be at that point, and I will have gotten there. At some point, the mist on the path is going to part, I will see the destination, and I will relax and enjoy the journey to get there.

    I will be happy, I will be healthy, my kids and I will be flourishing. I don't know what form that will all take, but I know that's where we'll be. We'll be good, and THAT will be enough.

    I should go back to that mantra question...I think that one is going to be it for awhile. LOL.