Day 8 Asking For Help- Waiting Game

I don’t even know where to begin. Writing seems next to impossible as I float ‘round this bliss bubble. I danced with The L.O.V.E Collective last night. They managed to create a safe container in which to explore a variety of emotions, including some not generally accepted on a dance floor. We danced filled with joy, then screamed out in anger. There were moments of confusion and moments of cohesive group movement. All this was created without a leader, no one dictating movements or choreographed steps. The collective created an atmosphere, guided and held space seamlessly. Their love, trust, and honouring of each other was palpable. Having not experienced a full buffet of dance tribe members in nearly a month, it was a gift to be caught up in movement, in a room filled with community, feeling safe in pushing boundaries... it was a pretty gosh darn good time.

I spoke afterwards with the groups big brother member. A co-creator who rejects the label “leader”, acknowledging that this group is far greater than the sum of its talented,visionary,compassionate parts. He gave me the question “What do you want?” for 12 days journal #53. A broad question with a medley of possibilities, an invitation for juicy and rich answers. His answer were spoken to me, not emailed, so I will have to repeat them as best as I can. It went something like:

“I made a list, a literal list, had a friend write it out for me. I asked for a connection, a deep soul connection with a partner, who understands my capacity for limitless love. I want to connect with a womyn who is not afraid to stand in her own power, who is ready to take on motherhood. I want to find a community, a family who accepts my non traditional ideas. I want communication to take a lead role in this community. A community who is passionate about empathy...“

The list went on.

I have heard arguments both for and against ”the list“. Some say it is too narrow minded, others say it is imperative to be specific when asking the universe to fulfill your desires. I was not entering into this debate. I was too rapt, enthralled by a man who speaks passionately about calling in the love he desires, unabashed, no apologies. Committed to commitment, to finding a family that fits him rather than fitting himself into the popular notion of family. A man who was willing to ask ”what do you want?“ and would accept any answer, whether it was on a metta level or an answer regarding what I wanted in my coffee.

So what did I want last night? I wanted the conversation to last forever. I had sent out a sort of list. Not on paper, but I asked God for someone to have a deep soul connection with, someone to talk to who would understand my mother tongue. I asked for a dancer. I felt him circling all day, got the familiar head ache which often accompanies shifts in my life. This new friend, is someone who I bonded with the minute I walked into the dance space. I had no idea he was part of the collective, I just saw him and knew we would be friends. We spoke for hours after the dance, and today sat close at coffee with my children. Rose asked if I had known him a long time. I explained to her that he was part of the extended ecstatic dance tribe, that when we meet each other there is a knowing, a language spoken with the body through movement. Yes she is 6, and maybe didn’t ”get“ this in it’s totality, but understood it well enough. Michael is leaving tomorrow, the L.O.V.E collective is on their way to Alberta, and is touring ‘round for the summer. Thank you all for what you brought to our community.

I will see you soon Michael.

Picture of our crew at coffee this morning. There were three journal recipients at the table. Anthony with #50, Michael with #21 (I hadn’t made #53 for this entry yet so instead I gave him the journal I sent to myself from California), and Dan with #52.