Talking to ones self is usually thought to be a sign of insanity. When a person walks in public muttering to their other self, people generally move to the other side of the street. Certainly verbal ranting to oneself in public is not usually healthy, but communication with ones self is imperative to being able to communicate with others.
I cannot effectively communicate with others in my life if I have no idea what is really going on for me. If I am feeling strained physically, tired, hungry or in pain, but am not conscious of it, it effects how I am relating. Have you ever had an experience where you were trying to explain something to someone, and were feeling irritated. Then decided this was because that other person was “being difficult”, only to realize that you have to pee? That it is actually your own irritation which you are picking up on, not theirs. I have done this many times. I have also experienced feeling something on an emotional level, frustrated, sad, angry, but was not conscious of it, then had a conversation with another and confused the existing emotion with a new one, one elicited from the present exchange. The other level is the mental, when I have a list of things to do, and a whole bunch of stories and ideas running round my mind, with no room for anything more, I will sometimes snap when asked a question, not dealing well because I am unaware that my brain has hit capacity.
At Tamalpa, where I go to school, I have learned a very simple tool for dealing with this. It is called a three level check in. A self care tool to check in with me, to ask myself where I am at physically, emotionally, and mentally.
The answers to the what am I noticing on a physical level involve physical sensations on the inside and out side of my body. I am feeling grittiness in my eyes, or a warmth in my stomach or a tickle in my throat are all good examples.
The answers to how I am feeling emotionally involve only the emotion, sad, content, excited. What is not included is the story behind that emotion, this is left for the mental check in, which is all about what thoughts and ideas are driving our physical and emotional feelings.
Try this sometime, perhaps right before a conversation with a friend. See what a difference is made in the communication when you have taken care of communicating with yourself first.
“How are you feeling physically and emotionally?” is the question in 12 days journal #96
Physically, I am feeling tired and worn out. I was on my feet a lot this evening making soap. Emotionally, I feel totally on top of the world! It was a full moon and I did something creative (made soap), something that makes me feel happy and fulfilled and inventive and completely melts stress away. I also feel excited, as I'm going to try out a new fragrance of soap tomorrow morning in the shower that I just made tonight for the first time and I anticipate it being unfreakingbelievable! :-)
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