July 23, 2009

Day 8 Communicate- Out of the Way

Difficult conversations....ugh. Communication can be tough at the best of times, add a racing heart, triggered emotions, in not only myself but also in the people I am attempting to share with, and things can get intense! Today I let slip something that I didn’t mean to, something I had been asked to hold in trust. I misunderstood the progression of the conversation, thought the information had already been shared, and subsequently unveiled what was still being held close. This was the catalyst for a heated discussion which ended in tears in one, anger and accusations in the other, both left. I was left, as the dust settled, going over what had transpired, realizing my slip. Ugh.

So what now? Running away felt like a good option in the moment, but not a great long term strategy. I want these two to be my friends for a good long time, and have hopes that they will see their way back to friendship. How could I fix this?!

See, my thing is I often feel responsible for others feelings, I am addicted to caretaking. It is true; My name is Bernice, and I am a caretaker. I engaged in my habitual pattern of caretaking in deciding it was my responsibility to sort this whole debacle out; since I catalysed it, I had to un- catalyse. Problem is this does not give these two friends much credit that, as fully functional adults, THEY can sort out what happened between THEM. As it turns out, miracle of miracles, this is exactly what they did. Each owned their part, one that she was projecting “her shit”, the other that, bit by bit, she needs opportunities to speak her painful truth. My babysitting was not necessary. Sometimes the best way of communicating is simply staying out of the way. THIS is something I am working on.

“Was there a time when you involved yourself in something when it might have been better to leave it for others to sort out?“ is the long winded question in 12 days journal #101

1 comment:

  1. Yes. I do this too much with my kids. But I've been working on it and am doing much better.