April 18, 2009

Day 8 Pulpit Rock- Waking sadness.

I woke up sad this morning. I dreamt of a close friend last night. I had many dreams and he was in them all. When I awoke I had that funny phenomena of feeling like I had been through a huge emotional upheaval, but no one around me knew where I was at. When i get like this I can be cranky. I feel misunderstood, sometimes even like I am not cared for. The thing is it is all based on dreams, something that didn’t even happen except in my head. Got me to wondering about real life situations which I may have experienced in a very skewed way, perhaps misinterpreting the actions or words of another. Emotions get stirred in me and feel real, just like after the dream, but in relation to a perception of someone else's actions or words that didn’t really happen the way I experienced them.

On the way up the trail I thought about this friend. It seems as though he has so much that he wants to say, but doesn’t. Keeps it inside. I imagine him to be a prisoner in a jail created by his truths that he sees as too.....something, to share. I don’t know what that something is. At the top I decided on the question for 12 days journal #5. “Is there something you have been longing to tell someone that you still haven’t been able to?” maybe one day it will reach him.

I found 12 days journal #4 still at the top. It had a mixture of writings in it. Some silly, bordering on rude, which is fine, I really invite any responses. There was one very touching entry, again on the first page, this is a very interesting phenomena how the first entry is quite often very steeped in emotion. I am staying true to the commitment I made a few days ago, and not posting the journal entries until the journals are sent back to me full.

1 comment:

  1. Something I have been longing to tell someone that I still haven't been able to:

    My dad is in jail right now. It aches like nothing else when my children ask to see their grandfather and I have to just pretend he's busy or that they'll see him soon when I know they won't. It's a short sentence, but it feels like forever. I hate it.

    Thank you for listening.