Day 12 Twelve of Twelve- Experiment

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Twelve Drummers Drumming.

I have been wondering lately when I will run into Jahan Khalighi again. I (barely) met him 6 months ago on the summer solstice, at the Planetary dance. He a spoken word artist and grandson of Anna Halprin, the founder of the Tamalpa Institute. Aside from being a phenomenal spoken word artist he is also a drummer...do you see where I am going with this? I often have these experiences where I begin to think a lot about a person then unexpectedly and seemingly out of nowhere, they show back up in my life. Today at school, in his grandmothers studio, I notice myself looking out the window, watching for him, wanting to connect and find out when he will be performing again. I had not really given spoken word much of a chance until I heard him weave his words, a tapestry of love, strength and truth delivered with such conviction. I want to hear more! So this is a little experiment to see if him entering back into my consciousness means I will see him perform again soon.



Before I go I leave you with the words of another poet, one I love so deeply for his romantic heart...oh my lovely Rumi.

“Each night the moon kisses secretly the lover who counts the stars.
-Rumi”

Short and oh so sweet.

“Do you consider yourself a romantic?” is the question in 12 days journal #250

Day 11 Twelve of Twelve- Yourself

“On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eleven Pipers Piping“

Oh man...this one is tough. On a day that wasn’t tough to begin with but sure ended up that way. All I can give you is that in this song by the Chilli Peppers, must have been played somewhere at sometime with a flute. I can’t give you more because I am wiped, feeling like nothing I do can make things any better, I am feeling defeated. Yet even now as I feel this, I still believe, I still trust, I still feel the flame burning strong in the cold wind. I know that the words in this song describe how I am loved under it all. This entry is for you my love. I don’t know what else to say.



”Hustle Bustle
And so much muscle
Our cells about to separate
Now I find it hard to concentrate
And temporary, this cash and carry
I’m stepping up to indicate
The time has come to deviate and

All I want is for you to be happy
And take this moment to make you my family
And finally you have found something perfect
And finally you have found…

Death defying, this mess I’m buying
It’s raining down with love and hate
Now I find it hard to motivate
And estuary is blessed but scary
Our hearts about to palpitate
And I’m not about to hesitate

And want to treasure the rest of your days here
And give you pleasure in so many ways, dear
And finally you have found something perfect
And finally you have found…
Here we go.

Do you want me to show up for duty?
And serve this woman and honor her beauty?
And finally you have found something perfect
And finally you have found... yourself
With me...
Will you... agree... to take this man... into your world..
And now... we are as one...

My lone ranger,
The heat exchanger
Is living in this figure 8
Now I’ll do my best to recreate.
And Sweet precision.
And soft collision
Our hearts about to palpitate
Now I find it hard to separate.

And all I want is for you to be happy
And take this woman and make you my family
And finally you have found someone perfect
And finally you have found

All I want is for you to be happy
And take this woman and make you my family
And finally you have found someone perfect
And finally you have found…
Yourself.“

”Have you found true love?“ is the question in 12 days journal #249

Day 10 Twelve of Twelve- Dancing Men

“On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me....

Ten Lords A-leaping“

To California I go! I seriously considered not going again this month. I know I am getting better, partially this is due to taking better care of myself, letting go of my tendency to keep pushing my limits. There have been lots of lessons in this mystery illness of mine. Going to school means a lot of travel, driving, bright lights and big city, all things I find overwhelming right now. I am going anyway. This course means so much to me, the teachings and support I receive at Tamalpa fill my mind and heart. I miss Marin too, it is like a second home, with lots of family. So in order to take care of my needs I am going to pace myself, I don’t think I will attend all of my classes. I am finally really learning to take care of myself, this period of not having my health has been my teacher... so many lessons.
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When I get off this plane I might stop in the the East Bay Ecstatic Dance in downtown Oakland, see if I can find some friends to cuddle and dance with. I am sure there will be more than 10 lords a leaping in that room. Ahhh.... dancing men, how I love them so. There are so many beautiful lords, beautiful men who are coming out and dancing their prayers, I love this. Dancing has not always been a safe activity for men in my culture, I am ecstatic that this has changed. So to my dancing and music playing brothers, I honour you, love you, stand in awe of your courage to groove it up and express yourselves through music and movement. Leap you Lords leap!

“What is one of the greatest lessons you have learned in this lifetime?” is the question in 12 days journal #248

Day 9 Twelve of Twelve- Bye Bye Baby

“On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Nine Ladies Dancing.“



We were told today that we are being kicked out of our studio. We have had endless issues with our landlord right from the beginning, today we were told we had to leave by December 31st. We are holding out hope that he will change his mind. I feel so terrible, so helpless, so filled with want for revenge against this man for choosing money over people. I KNOW revenge will not not serve me or anyone else, but it sure seems appealing in this moment. If we really do have to leave at the end of December, we will continue our work, just not in this studio. What a blow. I may never get to dance with 9 ladies in this, my first ever dance studio, my non-human baby.

“Is there a disappointment you have experienced in your life that stands out?” is the question is 12 days journal #247

Day 8 Twelve of Twelve- KC/DC

“On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Eight Maids A-milking“



We have joined forces with another dancer and a couple dj’s to form the Kootenay Conscious Dance Collective, also known as KC/DC...how cool an acronym is that? I don’t have a lot more to tell you except that we are all pretty excited to get the conscious dance community here in Nelson in full swing. We have had two meetings, both at Oso Negro coffee shop, vortex of Nelson social web. I had a cappuccino one of those times. Cappuccino is made with 1/3 espresso, 1/3 foam and 1/3 milk. I have no idea if it was a maid that milked the cow but I am willing to say so for the sake of today's commitment. I know...brutal, it is as though my commitment is actually to non-commitment at the moment.

“What do you drink?” is the slightly odd, yet I imagine interesting, question in 12 days journal #246

Day 7 Twelve of Twelve- Booty

“On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

seven Swans A-swimming.“

More birds! What is with all the birds?



Our water source is freezing, it is really friggen cold in Nelson right now. We have been quite lucky, our water has never fully frozen, but it might be coming damn close. This morning I shivered through a trickle of a shower. Tomorrow we may have to go to the aquatic centre to bathe. Enter today's commitment. The aquatic centre is also known as the swimming pool...commitment fulfilled, yes I know how loosely I am following this particular commitment, it is all I got right now. I have been feeling stronger though. I think my body just needed a little time to get used to its new self.

I went to a meeting for Nelson’s annual Valentines Burlesque show. I will be in the show this year, which is both exciting and scary. I am working on getting some of my booty back so I have something to shake on stage. I think I will go look at costumes when I am in San Francisco next week.

”Are you content with you body?“ is the question in 12 days journal #245

Day 6 Twelve of Twelve- What Now?

“On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

six Geese A-laying“

I went to a show tonight. When the band was ready to go on for their second set I was the only one in the room,everyone else was outside talking and smoking, inspecting Winlaw's newest outdoor ice rink. The band joked they were going to put on a private show for me, my friend Ty laughed and said “Ya and then you better write about it in your blog”...and so I will.

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The band is Brian Rosen and the What Now. I have mentioned them here on the blog before, I believe this is my 4th time seeing them, they just keep getting better and better. Their music is a little all over the place, I mean that in the good way. They do their original songs and some really cleverly arranged remakes, mostly Bob Marley the one I love best though is Paul Simon’s, Gumboots. They play a higher consciousness sound, with positive affirming lyrics, they are phenomenal to dance to, lots of groovy bass and sax. I went with my Goddess friend Jill, we danced from the beginning to the very end at which time every person in the room was on their feet. I have so enjoyed seeing these men commit themselves to their craft, their artistry, creating positive music that grows and informs. They are my brothers, playing music for me to dance my way to God. Thank you Ben, Ty, Rob, Jesse Lee, Brian, my Jilly Bean and everyone else who came out for a beautiful night of conscious dancing to conscious music. The world is waking up, one committed soul at a time.

So how can I make a reference to 6 Geese a laying? How about the band is 5 and I am 1, together we were flying in formation laying down some artful giving and receiving. But of course there were more than 6 of us there, it takes more than 6 geese to create the kind of connected ecstatic vibe we had going on down at Sleep is for Sissies, tonight.

“Do you believe you are living consciously or unconsciously?” is the question in 12 days journal # 244

Day 5 Twelve of Twelve- Five

“On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

five Golden Rings.”



Look what I found today.

“Religious symbolism of The Twelve Days of Christmas (The 12 Days of Christmas)

1 True Love refers to God
2 Turtle Doves refers to the Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens refers to Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds refers to the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings refers to the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying refers to the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking refers to the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing refers to the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping refers to the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping refers to the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming refers to the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed”

Who knew? Not me.

For today’s commitment I give you a riddle that my Lily told me.

“I can hold flesh and bone but have a hole on either end...what am I?”

The answer is today’s commitment.

“Have you ever been married? Why?” is the question in 12 days journal #243

Day 2 Twelve of Twelve- Flew the Coop

“On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

Two Turtle Doves.”

We are two love birds, not unlike doves, who flew the coop. Left for Calgary tonight to get lighting, a place to put coats and shoes...and to meet Michael's mom. Meeting “the mother” is nerve wracking enough without showing up still happily married to ones husband. While I am sure she will eventually grow to love me, it is not lost on me that Michael’s mom likely has to come a far way out of her comfort zone to accept me as his choice of life partner. Wish me luck!




“Do you remember a funny story about a family gathering?” is the question in 12 days journal #240

Day 1 Twelve of Twelve- Pear

“One the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me....

A Partridge in a Pear Tree.”



I bought a few pairs of pears today. This is all I have for you.

“What do you doing during the winter holiday season?” is the question in 12 days journal #239

Latest Commitment! 12 Days of Avoiding Burn Out

It may be of no surprise to you that this experiment is taking its toll on me, perhaps by reading about what is going on lately or maybe you knew from the get go that writing everyday, with no real breaks was enough to drive a person round the bend!? I had no idea when I started just how strongly this project would effect my life. So the short of it is.....I am feeling burnt out. I am about 9 months in, which is a fairly natural time to be feeling burn out I suppose. I have faith that once I get over this hump and come down the other side into spring, near the end of this experiment on April 5th, that the denouement will be easier, that resolution and reflection will emerge gracefully. For now though I need some comic relief.

It is Christmas, there is a fairly well know carol about 12 days round this time of year. I am going to relate my 12 day commitment to the 12 days of Christmas . Don’t expect much other more than a crazy stretch in relating the song to my daily commitment. Other than that I won’t be writing much.... I am taking a bit of a break!



I want to dedicate this commitment to my friend James, creator of Puppetji. We talked in the summer about doing this, he made many a funny joke, he is a VERY funny man. So James this commitment is inspired by you and your refreshing use of humour to deal with the day to day. I love you brother.