Day 12 Photo Op- The Blessing Way

Imagine how we as womyn may have looked at pregnancy and birth if we got to participate in Blessing ways as little girls. These little Goddesses that you see here washing my friend Melissa feet each are wearing have a strand of yarn around their wrist. All of us who were at the blessing way have one. We sang a song and created a web with yarn, it was symbolic of the web of support every birthing mother needs around here, especially when she does it on her own with a 2 year old. We each cut a strand and will wear it until Melissa’s new baby comes into this world.

Now I better hurry up and get my earlier journal entries edited so I can post this pic before she has a baby!

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“What are you currently way behind on?” is the question in 12 days journal #322

Day 11 Photo Op- Happy Happy Joy Joy

I have so much to write about this day, and so little time to do it. We are headed home, it has been a full day of travel and we still have a way to go.

My eclectic dress and outlandish ways tend to get noticed when I travel. Travelling with Jill increases this about 10 fold. We went from destination to destination today enjoying every opportunity to connect. Jill gave away hand made patches while I took pictures and jotted down ideas for writings.

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I noticed something today that I am very proud of. I have been aware of it before but travelling with Jill really made it pronounced! When we left people after connecting with them, be it the check in guy at the flight desk or the man in the gas station, we left them happier than they were when we first met. I knew this by the smiles on their faces, by their relaxed body posture and by how they were now speaking to others around them. The gift of happiness is one I am proud to be able to give. The best part is, every person I leave happier increases my happy. My happy is definitely on full today, thanks to Jill and all the people I have met today.

“What makes you happy?” is the question in 12 days journal #321

Day 10 Photo Op- Motel 6

Jill and I left Esalen in a storm today. Driving rain, boulders on the road, and our hearts filled with so much to take home and process. I found many answers, the work now it to decipher these answers.

This stretch of coast where we spent the last 7 days was once owned by the empire of William Randolph Hearst, a man wealthy beyond measure. He built a castle with his fortune, one that he worked ceaselessly on, dyeing before it was fully finished. This beautiful land inspired this man to build his dream. With endless resources he produced a real live European style castle filled with magic. This land has inspired much magic. Some call it a “power spot”, just like Nelson. I have spent time with my family here, I have met so many life long friends here, friendships where the connection ran deep within the first hour of meeting. I have sat at the feet of my teachers here, and have benefited from the teachings of many who never even knew they were my teachers. This day I drove away with a sister who is relatively new in my life,one who is now deeply embedded in my heart. This land is home to amazing spots like Esalen, artist enclave and hot bed of the human potential movement. It was a breeding ground for the revolutionary ideas of visionaries like Aldous Huxley, Abraham Maslow, Fritz Perls, Carl Rogers, Timothy Leary, naming just the tip of the iceberg. The Esselen people of the first nations lived here long before either the Hearst's or the founders of Esalen, they considered this land to be holy. Jill has her own personal history with Big Sur, the “town” which is not really a town but a littering of shops and amenities along the highways. The connections run deep for the both of us.

We had big plans, a bunch of big plans. Drive to San Fransisco, go dancing, stay up all night, maybe drop by our place in Santa Cruz where Dariel lives, maybe go to the market in the morning. As it turns out we made it to the Motel 6 in Gilroy, a town barely 60 miles away from Esalen. We modified the plan, decided to repack our bags then hit the town. We never left the room, our car stayed in the loading zone all night long. In case you are getting the impression that we fell asleep here is a picture out our window at nearly 6 in the morning.

After crying, laughing, processing, loving, and bonding all night long we finally fell asleep only because we were worried we wouldn’t make our plane in the morning if we didn’t. She is my sister, a fellow Goddess. She has so much to teach me and I am blessed to have her in my life. Thank you Jilly Bean, for this perfect night. I can think of nothing I would have rather done upon my exit from the magical land of Esalen, the Hearst Castle, Big Sur and the Esselen people, than spend it in a Motel 6 with you.

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“Where have you travelled?” is the question in 12 days journal #320

Day 9 Photo Op- Ceremony

This is the spot where it all began. We started with a tobacco offering. This magical spot at the edge of the ocean, with nothing but salty water and ocean life for hundreds of miles, was where my journey with a new friend began. I have created much ceremony and ritual in my life, I am a bit of a junkie for the reverent. Finding the mystical in the day to day brings me closer to God, closer to me. And so this is where, after agreeing on the logistics this afternoon, we entered into ceremony together.

If you look up to the top of your screen, under the word “year” in “12 days 2 inspire ~ a year long journey, 12 days at a time”, you will see an ammonite. It is actually half of an ammonite, I have both halves, or at least I did. I brought both halves to Esalen with me, they sat on the altar in the dance dome while we prayed with our souls in motion, there they soaked up all the wondrous juju created by our dance rituals. Today I took both halves from the alter and gave them to my friend in the lodge, I asked him to hold them until we went into ceremony tonight under the almost full moon. Once we were finished offering tobacco to the mother, I bound the ammonites together. They were whole again, held in place by grasses pulled through the fence in this picture. From here we went on to create healing, forgiveness and beauty together; two souls meeting in meditation, two souls opening, steeping in the divine. We used ceremony to see our own selves through each other, we offered each other a mirror

“You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.

- Jalaluddin Rumi”

When the ceremony was complete, we unbound the ammonite, separate halves of a whole again. My friend took half and I took the other. If either of us ever needs a reminder of what we learned that night, of what we saw, of the truths that were spoken to the starry sky, we can hold our ammonite and remember. If we should need to come together again, our halves of the ammonite will call out to each other, manifest a reunion. I will keep mine on my personal altar and listen carefully when I bow before it each day.

“How do you get what you want?” is the question in 12 days journal #319

Day 8 Photo Op- Mac Fest

What a trip this place is. It is process land, like a huge multi layered onion. So many beautiful folk filled with light and questions, shadow and yearning. So many on a path of discovery for self, discovery of the source eternal, trying to reconcile the two as one. Letting go of the idea of duality is a process with many layer, and Esalen has a way of tearing them away in quick succession.

I didn’t go to dance this morning. I went instead to help Rachel pack up Skylah and all the stuff babies require when travelling. After cuddles and aknowledgments of each others wonder, she left, on her way back to LA. Then I called my family. There were tears, onions are known for causing tears. I spoke with Michael, Chris and Ayla, it was so nice to speak with all of them. Each gave me a piece of what I needed to remember that I am whole here, even as I delve through so many layers. I love my family, we are so very beautiful, what we have created is magical.

With so little time left in the morning class I came to the lodge to write. It took till nearly noon for this to happen because it is so very hard not to get drawn into amazing conversations in this place. When I finally did find a place to settle down and write I found myself in a room full of my own people...Mac people. If there was an Olympics for new age sensitive types it would be sponsored by Mac. I am currently sitting in a room with 8 macs, 9 if you include the iPhone I took the picture with. It is such a funny phenomenon, this Mac revolution...I do so love my mac.



“What tools do you use to help you in your day to day life?” is the question in 12 days journal #318

Day 7 Photo Op- Valentine for God

Valentines was a little hectic this year, I felt a little stretched. Because of this I missed sending a Valentine to my main man...God.

Nearly 2 weeks late I created this drawing while in the dance. I have been taking it easy, not dancing as hard as I usually do, wanting to take care of this body of mine. I am healing, I am doing great, and I am being mindful not to push myself too hard. So for part of today instead of dancing, I doodled, wrote, created beauty with pens and paper rather than with my body. This creation began to emerged as I scribbling down the words spoken allowed by my teacher, friend and guru Vinn. I know that last one will really irk him, but hey, it is truth. He is the closest one outside myself that I have considered a Guru, an everyday mystic. Eventually I added colour to the drawing, and some more words. I didn’t start out with the intention of creating a Valentine, but this the wondrous thing about journals, magic emerges from the smallest of scribbles. My own personal journal has been sure a source of solace during the creation of the 12 days project, a place to put some things just for me, God, and now and then all of you.

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(“I don’t know no tantra mantra, or ritualistic workshop. I only know you. Hold my Hand.”, “Slowly, Slowly, Slowly, Slowly......”)


The words on the Valentine are not Vinn’s. I was so entranced by the dance, by the voice of this mystical man who creates along with all of us a majestic manifestation of love, that I missed the author. It doesn’t really matter though, trace anything back far enough and it all come from the same source, The Source Eternal of All That is Known...some call it God, some the Goddess, there are many names. Today for brevity’s sake I choose to use God.

God, will you be my Valentine?

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“How do you seek connection with others?” is the question in 12 days journal #317

Day 5 Photo Op- The Tchotch

Sunday...my first day at Esalen. Although as I write this I can hardly believe it, this place seems so familiar it is like I never left. Some things have changed, however, like the fact that I am sitting here writing at nearly 1 in the morning... instead of soaking at the tubs. I haven’t even been down to the hotsprings this evening. I just came straight into the lodge after dancing and started working...THIS is new! 



This is a picture of three of my favorite people: Rachael, Benjamin and The Tchotch. The Tchotch would be the small one wearing the onesie and the funny hat. To understand why she is called The Tchotch you would have to know her parents (just in case it is confusing, Benjamin is NOT the father of The Tchotch). For those of you who are alarmed about her being bullied, she does have another beautiful name, Skylah, but for now I, too, have taken to calling her The Tchotch.

Benjamin is a permaculturalist, and a lover of honey. He does amazing work at Esalen and around the world. I don’t pretend to understand all of what he does, but I can say his work is Holy and more necessary now than ever.

I love this place. Filled with Angels.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is the question in 12 days journal #315

Day 3 Photo Op- Mad Hatter

Today may be my last day in the SF bay area until August, so I was determined to visit some of the most wonderful, magical, nourishing places this town has to offer. In case you are imagining that I am talking about some big, orange bridge; think again. We have one of those in Nelson, although it is, admittedly, a bit smaller. I am talking about Dick Blick's and the Berkeley Hat Company. Both are a wonder to behold - Dick Blick's filled with every art supply you could even imagine, the hat shop with endless numbers of gorgeous hats...and I mean GORGEOUS!!  We spent over an hour trying on hats. The staff were right into our antics, our big girl dress up party. Here are a couple of photos of us trying out the merchandise. We had a good time...a darn good time. Boosh!!



“What do you collect? Why?” is the question in 12 days journal #313, which is a palindrome...neat

Day 2 Photo Op- Bye Bye

Today I did the deed. Sent an email to the school and all my classmates, told them I would not be continuing on with them, that I would instead be going back in August to live in Marin for a month. This offer to redo my schooling was a generous offer, one that has not ever been extended to anyone else. Even when life gets hard there is a silver lining that glints in the mostly sunny ski. I really do see that I have a blessed life, that even my hard times are filled with diamonds.

So the deed is done, tomorrow I will go to a park where my classmates will meet me. We will do a short ritual to acknowledge my leaving, to say good bye. In a program as intense and raw as Tamalpa people get very attached...maybe bonded is a better word. We know each others traumas, victories and precious stories. I know my leaving will be felt by my classmates, I know they love me. How wonderful is that? I love that my chosen path, my work, is done is settings where we can fall in love with each other.

Eu, Julia, KD, Claudia, Lorena, Lucie and Linda, you have changed my life forever. I love each of you, thank you for the blessings you have brought to my life.

“How has schooling played a part in your life?” is the question in 12 days journal #312

SIDE NOTE: In trying to send the pictures from my iPhone to my computer I deleted yesterday and toady’s photos...I know...brutal...like I said yesterday though, I plan to make up for it.

Latest Commitment! Say Cheese!

12 days of nothing!

Ok not true. I considered it though...really! Even wrote it up and everything, but I changed my mind. Which helped me to see that it is time for a fun one. So here it is.

I commit to taking a picture everyday for the next 12 days and posting it and a LITTLE story about the picture... and I mean LITTLE! I am going away for 10 days of this commitment and I need to take it easy with this whole blog thing, have fun, dance my ass off...or back on...This is going to be fun.

And that’s it folks!