Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

January 22, 2010

Day 11 Meditation- Fusion

I had a wonderful birthday 2 days ago, my family loved me up, and I was taken out for lunch...but.... with everyone being sick it felt kind of incomplete. So I took myself out for a birthday dinner tonight. I haven’t had a really delicious dinner for a while, you know the extravagant kind. With gaining weight being on my “To Do” list it seemed as though a rich decadent dinner was in order. I am proud to say that it was very easy to take myself out, give myself what I wanted. In the past I might have been hurt that a night out to celebrate my birth didn’t happen, kept quiet hoping it would and then get silently resentful if it didn’t. It is crazy how actually just admitting to myself what I want, and taking care of it, fulfills me without all the drama...imagine that!

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I went to Fusion, my favourite fancy restaurant in town. The Food is amazing, the prices reasonable and the chef/owner adorable. His name is Jamie. We met at the restaurant which is about to turn 5 years old. We flirted, joked and learned more about each other all while he made me tenderloin, scallops, spatzle, crispy fried green beans with a sweet delicious hoisen sauce. For dessert he created a chocolate lava cake with ice cream and a shot of expresso vodka. The whole meal was absolutely decadent and delicious. I even had left over lava cake to take to my girlfriends place afterwards.

While at Fusion Jamie and I spoke about writing a cook book together. Later I spoke with another friend, an elder, who agreed to work together, exchanging ideas and inspiration, a muse contract. It is time for me to start visioning my writing and how it is going to fit into my life once this project is done. I am ready to start making some money from writing, it is time to start the process of submission to magazines and other publications. I have resisted up until now because I can’t stand the rejection part of it all. I have done a fair amount of work on rejection though in the last 2 years, I am ready, I know this. I was reminded yesterday that the only way to truly be ready is to simply do something. For now I am focused on completing the next 70ish days and will continue to consciously create life after 12 days 2 inspire.

“What gift/s have you given yourself?” is the question in 12 days journal #285

November 8, 2009

Day 8 Sacred Space- Red

Today is red. I can not ignore the obvious, that red is the colour of passion. There has been much passion in the creation of this studio. Michael and I met 5 months ago, our relationship has been on hyper-speed ever since; we met, made love, decided to work together, fell deeper into love across distance, then spent 39 days straight with one another working, and falling deeper, always deeper. Life with my family began to include him, we moved in as a family, back into our newly refinished home; a new old home, a new old family. The passion also included a lot of intense anger and sadness. Michael and I process, it is what we do, often despite our wishes to turn it off. The growth I have experience has been so quick at times that I wondered if it was healthy. I was full of fear, fear that had been put away years ago added to a new fear of completely transparently living my truth, I was (and sometimes still am) scared shitless.

Under it all though is a faith, a devotion, a deep deep knowing that it is all worth it; that living in a way where I get to love and honour myself exactly as I am, and can do the same for everyone around me, is worth it. I am a work in progress, always will be, this is my family and my life as it is right now, and it is beautiful. I believe my children feel safer than they have in a long time, more held. I believe Chris is finally getting the space he needs to deal with all the pain that led to his accident over 2 years ago, his journey now has more witnesses, I believe this is a relief, and likely also scary as hell. I believe that Michael is feeling the challenge and exhilaration of getting exactly what he asked for, I believe he loves me, and his new family.

I feel blessed, and full of gratitude for my entire family. The struggles and growth have been intense. I have asked God or anyone who would listen many times for a pause button, felt like I needed to just stop moving so I could breathe. Well the pause button never materialized, instead I am learning to breathe while it all moves on around me. This is passion, this is the red, it is the stillness attained amongst the worlds emotional chaos while staying open to it full glory. This is the place is I am living towards.

Here is one of my favourite “Blue” writing songs, there is a lot of this song in many of the posts you have read here.



And just because red, passion love filled red is one of my all time favourite colours, I leave you with a poem which makes me think red red red. Here is a little e.e. Cummings.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite a new thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh...And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly I like the thrill

of under me you so quite new
-e.e cummings

“What are you passionate about?”
is the question in 12 days journal #210

November 4, 2009

Day 4 Sacred Space- "Tenacious Green Bits"

Today is one of those days where I have so many ideas rolling round my head. What to write about? There is the black eye that I am sporting, the one I refuse to tell anyone about (well almost everyone). There is how sweet this morning was, how Michael got the girls all ready, then drove them to school. There was the piece I was considering on the importance of having prayer, in some form, in ones life. There is a link going round facebook about how to use your five fingers to remember all who need positive attention and intention. I spent a good part of the day talking about the studio with Michael, we talked big picture stuff, shared vision and all that, then went to choose paint colours from the recycle depot, I could write about this too.

I want you to know you read a small sampling of the ideas I have for entries. I am rarely aware of what I am going to write about until I sit down at the keys, even then it often morphs. I love writing, I would have to to keep this crazy commitment I set for myself back in early April. I do whine a little when things back up I can get overwhelmed, but usually once I actually start the process of laying out the words, I get into my flow and am engrossed. I have missed dance to write before, THAT says something!

Michael and I were discussing what our workshops might look like, again it ran the gambit, from the meta level of what our key purpose is, to how many days and what time of year. I never really mentioned it today but running writer workshops is something I am really excited about. I am not sure what form they will take, I could imagine directing it at journal writing, stream of consciousness type stuff, but also really love the idea of encouraging creative writing, poetry and prose. They wouldn’t be about the technical side of things, if you are a regular reader you have likely noticed I am the pits with punctuation and likely break a whole slew of grammatical rules (sometimes I even do it on purpose, completely out of reaction to my grade 8 English teacher, who as far as I know, has never even read my blog). I probably don’t even use brackets properly! No the technical stuff will not be discussed unless some of my workshop attendees want to enlighten me. What I am interested in is helping people find the delicious nuggets that live within us all. Giving permission to write about exactly what calls, no matter how seemingly trivial. I am convinced that some of my favourite lines, from my favourite creative writings came about merely from writing about what happened to be present at the time.

“When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.”

A delicious line from So Much Happiness, a Naomi Shihab Nye poem. It seemed brilliant when I first read it, I thought “WOW! I want to come up with something as authentic as this!” Authentic.....ahhh I was on to something.

Basically I want to convey that everyone has things worth writing about, everyone. I have found that while the big things, like say living with my lover AND my husband, do make great writing, it is the little every day bits and pieces that really stir people. I have been blown away how often the simplest entries have brought the most emails and comments, often from the most unexpected of folk. Today as I walked along a mountain path by a lake, I noticed all the “tenacious green bits”, the plant life which despite the odds remains on the nearly frozen ground, still proudly showing off all the chlorophyll it has accrued. “Tenacious green bits”, now there is a delicious line waiting to happen!

Yes I love to write. Editing though...now that is another story. When there is a lag in my posting the writing is generally done, it is the editing I put off. This very post which you just read was written in less than 20 minutes, it was the editing that put me behind deadline. One day soon I will have my very own editor.

“What do you like to write about?” is written inside 12 day journal #206