Day 1 Visual Creation- Do you believe?

I have come to the sad resolve that we live in an age skeptical of love. Sometimes I think I am the only romantic left, that is until another finds me, this is when I am reminded of the vast array of love and lovemaking possibilities. Before you get the idea that I am talking about sex, read on.

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The idea of having a song sung to me, better yet, about me, is my idea of romantic ecstasy. Or how about listening to a poem read slowly, with intention, and passion? My knees quiver just thinking about it. Today a friend explained a theory in Chinese Medicine using dots and lines, he transformed it into something both beautiful and clear, the seduction of sacred mathematics is so delicious. This is love, shared experience, passion and wonder. Lovemaking the traditional way is certainly lovely, believe me I am very pro sexuality. Lovemaking though happens all the time, in an infinite number of ways. A well placed hand during Tango, a rescued melon in the midst of a shopping cart catastrophe, a smile from a passer-by which lasts long enough to say “I see you”, these are all acts of making love. My fondest hope is that you can understand and feel in your body what I am talking about, if not, this is the scepticism of which I speak.

Today I stroked a hand, and made love. Today I drew a picture, shared it with a friend, in this act we made love. I let go into myself in the bath last night, while listening to the ecstatic chanting of the Ghost Brothers, I felt, from the inside, every inch of my being, I felt ecstatic bliss, this was me making love with myself. Skepticism of love often shows up as sarcasm or harsh sexual humour. If reading about my making love with myself translates for any readers into masturbation, then you are misunderstanding. I am talking about love as a connection with the Divine, felt through the body as ecstatic bliss.

Scepticism puts an obstacle in the way of being able to trust, to believe. An unconditional belief in love is what creates unconditional love, and in turn ecstatic bliss.

I am no skeptic, I believe in love.

“Do you believe in love?” is the question in 12 days journal #215

Day 8 Committed To Self- Devotion

I am feeling a little sheepish to admit I have never really read any Osho. Seems a staunch new ager like myself, really should have dedicated some time to this Indian mystic and spiritual teacher, luckily I no longer believe in “should”. It is only 9:30 in the morning and I am already making confessions. I might as well keep them coming.

Sexuality is a very important form of spiritual expression for me. Bhakti, active involvement in Divine worship, is the stream of yoga which I resonate with most, the one which comes naturally. I consider lovemaking to be Bhakti, sex can be the ultimate act of devotion to God. I feel more connected during lovemaking than I do participating in any other form of worship, even singing and dancing, which says a lot! I have waded through some Tantric readings, and am usually left with a feeling of befuddlement, the rules and information often seem contradictory, out of alignment with my experience. Reading for knowledge and understanding has long been a struggle for me, I am much more of a hands on sort of womyn, I learn by doing. In this case doing “it” is how I have come to understand God, and perhaps some form of Tantra. When I make love I hear things, understand things, come to know things, I suppose it could be called channelling. I become aware of what works to bring me closer and what makes the Divine harder to reach. In this way I have navigated my way towards an ability to orgasm repeatedly, in varied ways. My connection is such that I have had an orgasm from hearing poetry read, inhaling my partners breath, thinking of my partner,or simply being touched through clothing, to name just a few of my glorious experiences. To be clear orgasm is in not the destination, lovemaking is the point of love making, paradoxically though keeping this intention seems to increase the orgasms. They certainly are a delicious perk, one which I believe opens a portal, to what I don’t know, but I know it is God.

Lately I have stumbled across a lot of ideas about sexuality which I resonate with. Michael is reading The Passionate Marriage,by David Schnarch, he has been reading me bits and pieces from its pages. What he reads to me is often information I already know, I don’t know how I know it, I just do. Like the idea that having an orgasm with my eyes open, looking with full reveal into my partners eyes can bring ecstasy and connection from allowing myself to be completely seen and that this will flow over into the rest of my relationship, allowing me to find healing through lovemaking. I knew this without knowing I knew it, something that David himself says is rare, and wonderful for those of us who are blessed to have found it.

This morning I was sent this quote of Osho’s by my friend KD:

“People are against me because I'm telling people how to love. I'm telling people how to love so deeply that love itself becomes your religion - that your woman one day disappears and you find God there; that your man one day disappears and you find God there; that one day, in deep communion, in deep orgasmic experience, in that ecstasy, for a moment you both disappear and there is only God and nothing else.

You have been taught down the ages to be against sex and that has made you very sexual. That's what has happened to the whole humanity: repressed sex has become the obsession.

People think I am teaching sexuality? I am teaching transcendence.



Remember, there is no need to be afraid of women, no need to be afraid of men. We are all alike, the same God. We have to learn how to love each other. We have to come closer to each other because that is the only way to come close to God. Love is one of the greatest doors to God, just as awareness is another. I teach you both: a loving awareness, a conscious love. And with this you will become integrated, you will attain individuation. - Osho”

Never were truer words spoken.

These words of Osho’s describe how I make love; knowing that my partner IS God, IS me, that WE are a beautiful manifestation of God, of ALL, in a glorious act of devotion. I have been asked what my secret is, how I do what I do in the act of making love, how I find such ecstasy. My secret is, Bhakti. A secret I want to share, have it be a secret no more, that making love with complete devotion is how I have attained glorious fulfillment within my soul, spirit, mind and body. Some others may have found this through toys, techniques, positions, rules, and I am so happy for anyone who is satisfied and fulfilled. I choose transcendence instead.

There is still plenty left to learn, I certainly don’t have all the answers, which is delightful and exciting! I am committed to fully accepting my sexuality and supporting others to do the same. I know that this is part of my calling, my reason for being here this time around.

My God, I can’t believe I am going to submit this, I am blushing at the idea. Truth, truth, and more truth...this is what I am here to do.....(clicking “Send to Blog” on my MacJournal blog program)

ACK!

“How do you believe a person attains sexual fulfillment?” is the question in 12 days journal #186. I can’t wait for this one to return.