The Dawning... Water and Fire

Friday the 7th... of course this entry would come at the culmination of the first 7 day cycle in a new Gregorian year.

It came to me today, I am here NOW to experience La Nina, this I KNOW. I came to Mexico while her feminine is running wild, and of course I came to experience it in the land of the sun, the land of fire. I am in town which is struggling to keep its main industry alive despite economic downturn and a recent drop in tourism due to fear of violent crime. As if this wasn’t enough they are being taunted by the unpredictable flow of ocean river and rain, bridges washed out, main streets ripped up, plumbing failing... Aya Curamba!

Since I have arrived the feminine and masculine aspects of nature have finally agreed to work things out, they are my teachers . The moon agreed to allow the suns light to leave her, to be cleansed, made new while full. She became whole, all things at once. The sun became a crescent, softening his edges, opened himself to understanding the moons often overlooked duty as the one who carries light at a time of darkness. Today I understand how these things fit together. Today I went into ceremony.

Today I finally tasted a Mexican delicacy which I have wanted to experience since I arrived. I found it in a womyn name Alicia... a Goddess as complete and lovely as the moon when she is full and new, and as a sun who embodies a moon to know her soul.

Thank you Alicia. Thank you for being one of my Angels.

“Who are your Angels?” is the questions for today’s journal.



And while water runs amuck here in Mexico, fire has laid his hand on my home town of Nelson, British Columbia. The Kerr, a beautiful old building that housed nearly 50 community members is now a charred stone shell. The night before it burned Chris and I were talking about how Nelson could really use a Plaza. Every Mexican town seems to have one, a natural gathering place in the middle of town where community organically happens. No need for a potluck or even a meeting time, just show up at the plaza to see who’s there. I imagined this plaza in Nelson would have to be close to Oso, which is already a natural gathering spot. I said to Chris that the lot where the Kerr was would be perfect. Imagine my shock when I logged on the next day to see the images of it in flames.

So many people lost their homes, I don’t even know yet if there were lives lost, I haven’t had good enough internet access to read about the grieving. I have heard via an email from my mother that the community is gathering to support the residents of the Kerr. A historic building with a strong shadow side which housed many community members who struggle to make ends meet. A friend of mine was suppose to be housesitting in the building that day, he was the first I thought of. I felt sick until I knew he was ok. It helped me to feel how much I love him, how big a hole would be left if he were to disappear from my life.

A phoenix always rises from the ashes. Cleansing can be painful and the loss of this monument like building will be felt for a long while in Nelson. My hope is that the phoenix in this situation will be a new plaza and open air city block, maybe with two of the walls left standing. I smile as I imagine it filled with benches and trees, a place for everyone. I am sending so much love home to you all, please take care of each other. Be each others Angels.

As for my Angel for today, sweet Alicia. I want you to know I have your mothers manuscript. You left it in your room. I have concocted many stories about why it got left behind. Maybe to cleanse, allow a phoenix to arise from the deaths you have experienced? Maybe it was an accident and I will get to bring it to you in L.A? I can visit my God daughter and you my newest God sister.

You are a bright beautiful light my love. Keep on balancing, in the water, on the snow, in your own heart. Balance is the key to beating 50/50 odds hun. No matter what happens you call if you need help, and I will come. <3

Day 9 On Time- A Man with Heart

Tonight, after a day filled with rehearsals and 2nd day of spring doldrums, I sat staring into my wood stove, building a fire. I watched flames dance on fractured logs as they resisted surrender . Pangs of sadness pulled when I thought about springs progression and how this means this stove would soon sit empty. It is unused for anything other than clutter in our blazing hot Nelson summers. I SO love having fire in my house, I miss it all summer long. I suppose this is the trade off for being able to swim outside in glacial lakes. Nelson is a truly amazing place to live. Life here is so filled experience and connection. I spent last night with friends celebrating equinox. We sat in circle, danced, shared a feast, did ceremony and the best part was it evolved completely organically. Living in Nelson makes it easy to see God in everything.

I was sent this video by someone I love very much, he knew how much it would mean to me. The man in the video one of my Guru’s. He would DETEST being called one so I won’t tell him, I will tell you instead. And while I love singing with him, it is not his voice that makes him someone I honour, it is his big Bhakti heart.

Jai Uttal "Babies for Bhakti" from Omega Institute on Vimeo.

“Who has influenced your work?” is the question in 12 days journal #343

Day 5 Pleasure Revolution- New Moon

Twice a month I become a lunatic. Seems a harsh thing to say about myself. I don’t mean it in a self deprecating way , but as an acknowledgement of its original meaning and my susceptibility. Luna, is the the moon Goddess: a lunatic is one who is prone to intermittent insanity in relation to the moon cycle. Every new moon I am a wreck, every full moon I am a wreck. These states of wreck-lessness differ immensely, especially depending on the intensity of the transition, something I know nothing about predicting but can always FEEL. I have often been known to ask, while rubbing my furrowed brow, “Is this a really strong moon? Or am I just going insane?”. Apparently this new moon came as Mercury finally left retrograde, again I am not sure what this really means but I know enough to stay away from life changing decisions during this time. My angst and analysing started last night. I ended a conversation because I was worried my inability to let anything slide would cause a quarrel, it didn’t, my conversation partner was very understanding and patient. Then this morning I couldn’t eat and was filled with ungrounded squirrel like energy. Luckily our class was headed out into the environment, time to commune with nature usually takes off my edges.

We walked in silence towards the ocean, through walls of exposed rock piled layer upon layer, neatly stacked, ancient, brown and crumbling. The tide drew hard through the headlands which hold either end of the Golden Gate Bridge, water surging into the Bay. The sun was hot, I broke into a run and with arms outstretched enjoyed the wind. I rounded a corner before my classmates so I could pee without an audience. As the class joined me we stood under giant eucalyptus trees, trunks like elephant legs, ancient and wrinkly. I had pangs of sadness at not bringing a camera. I decided my words became pictures in my mind and the minds of others, I was not sad anymore. We reached the beach and the view was out of a postcard...millions of them in fact sold on the other side of the Bay from where we stood. I gazed across at San Francisco and wondered at how this magical international landmark had become a part of my everyday, or at least my every month. How this little girl from Bragg Creek, Alberta had grown into the womyn who choose to follow her dream. This sounds a little cheesy, like I grew up in Iowa and am now walking the red carpet at some L.A. event. It is not nearly as scarce as this though, I get to keep my intimate life in a little mountain oasis AND I get to come here to the Bay and experience the excitement of the city. There was much excitement today!

Our time at the Headlands ended abruptly when we were evacuated. We saw a fire start just about a 1/4 mile from where we were. Tiny at first, it became quite the blaze, flames licking into the sky. As we enacted our scores (Tamalpa language for experiencing nature in a meaningful way), planes flew over head dropping fire retardant. A helicopter with a bucket came to douse the flames, while fire-fighters crawled the hillside like ants saving the forest of Golden Gate National Recreation Area. The coast guard came into shore and through a bullhorn told us to evacuate immediately. I never felt in danger, just in awe of watching nature and mankind converge, reminding me that the idea of a separation between the two is an illusion.

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I sit here typing on my friend KD’s day bed knowing that the moon is finally waxing, that my lunacy will soon subside. I am using this time to commit, to setting intentions. In 45 minutes I will sit in ceremony with Michael. We have planned a phone date to declare our intentions and manifestations to one another, something I do every new moon. Five moons ago I asked for Michael. I didn’t know his name then, just that I wanted a partner who was kind, one who had a similar communication style to my own, could dance and co-create with me, someone I would love and feel safe with. Setting intention on the new moon is a powerful way to manifest. I know this because my manifestation is coming to pick me up at the airport tomorrow afternoon.

“Where would you like to travel?” is the question in 12 days journal #158