Day 9 Photo Op- Ceremony

This is the spot where it all began. We started with a tobacco offering. This magical spot at the edge of the ocean, with nothing but salty water and ocean life for hundreds of miles, was where my journey with a new friend began. I have created much ceremony and ritual in my life, I am a bit of a junkie for the reverent. Finding the mystical in the day to day brings me closer to God, closer to me. And so this is where, after agreeing on the logistics this afternoon, we entered into ceremony together.

If you look up to the top of your screen, under the word “year” in “12 days 2 inspire ~ a year long journey, 12 days at a time”, you will see an ammonite. It is actually half of an ammonite, I have both halves, or at least I did. I brought both halves to Esalen with me, they sat on the altar in the dance dome while we prayed with our souls in motion, there they soaked up all the wondrous juju created by our dance rituals. Today I took both halves from the alter and gave them to my friend in the lodge, I asked him to hold them until we went into ceremony tonight under the almost full moon. Once we were finished offering tobacco to the mother, I bound the ammonites together. They were whole again, held in place by grasses pulled through the fence in this picture. From here we went on to create healing, forgiveness and beauty together; two souls meeting in meditation, two souls opening, steeping in the divine. We used ceremony to see our own selves through each other, we offered each other a mirror

“You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient.
It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror.
Look at yourself and remember me.

- Jalaluddin Rumi”

When the ceremony was complete, we unbound the ammonite, separate halves of a whole again. My friend took half and I took the other. If either of us ever needs a reminder of what we learned that night, of what we saw, of the truths that were spoken to the starry sky, we can hold our ammonite and remember. If we should need to come together again, our halves of the ammonite will call out to each other, manifest a reunion. I will keep mine on my personal altar and listen carefully when I bow before it each day.

“How do you get what you want?” is the question in 12 days journal #319

Day 7 Photo Op- Valentine for God

Valentines was a little hectic this year, I felt a little stretched. Because of this I missed sending a Valentine to my main man...God.

Nearly 2 weeks late I created this drawing while in the dance. I have been taking it easy, not dancing as hard as I usually do, wanting to take care of this body of mine. I am healing, I am doing great, and I am being mindful not to push myself too hard. So for part of today instead of dancing, I doodled, wrote, created beauty with pens and paper rather than with my body. This creation began to emerged as I scribbling down the words spoken allowed by my teacher, friend and guru Vinn. I know that last one will really irk him, but hey, it is truth. He is the closest one outside myself that I have considered a Guru, an everyday mystic. Eventually I added colour to the drawing, and some more words. I didn’t start out with the intention of creating a Valentine, but this the wondrous thing about journals, magic emerges from the smallest of scribbles. My own personal journal has been sure a source of solace during the creation of the 12 days project, a place to put some things just for me, God, and now and then all of you.

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(“I don’t know no tantra mantra, or ritualistic workshop. I only know you. Hold my Hand.”, “Slowly, Slowly, Slowly, Slowly......”)


The words on the Valentine are not Vinn’s. I was so entranced by the dance, by the voice of this mystical man who creates along with all of us a majestic manifestation of love, that I missed the author. It doesn’t really matter though, trace anything back far enough and it all come from the same source, The Source Eternal of All That is Known...some call it God, some the Goddess, there are many names. Today for brevity’s sake I choose to use God.

God, will you be my Valentine?

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“How do you seek connection with others?” is the question in 12 days journal #317

Day 5 Photo Op- The Tchotch

Sunday...my first day at Esalen. Although as I write this I can hardly believe it, this place seems so familiar it is like I never left. Some things have changed, however, like the fact that I am sitting here writing at nearly 1 in the morning... instead of soaking at the tubs. I haven’t even been down to the hotsprings this evening. I just came straight into the lodge after dancing and started working...THIS is new! 



This is a picture of three of my favorite people: Rachael, Benjamin and The Tchotch. The Tchotch would be the small one wearing the onesie and the funny hat. To understand why she is called The Tchotch you would have to know her parents (just in case it is confusing, Benjamin is NOT the father of The Tchotch). For those of you who are alarmed about her being bullied, she does have another beautiful name, Skylah, but for now I, too, have taken to calling her The Tchotch.

Benjamin is a permaculturalist, and a lover of honey. He does amazing work at Esalen and around the world. I don’t pretend to understand all of what he does, but I can say his work is Holy and more necessary now than ever.

I love this place. Filled with Angels.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is the question in 12 days journal #315

Day 5 Visual Creation- Everyday Dance

I wrote the following for the Soul Motion quarterly newsletter. There is a column called “Everyday Dance”. Here dancers speak of how we take what is learned in the dance out and into our everyday lives. Soul Motion is a practice, a tool, like meditation or mantra, to be used in realizing oneself without veils, at least for me it is. This is an account of one of the many ways I use the dance in my life, one that is very pertinent to both the time of year and state of my health in this moment.

”On the ground, head hanging, hair tendrils sweep the dance floor from side to side. My eyes are closed, both look inward. There is a call to rise, a call to duty, I feel it in my body, feel it second only to the call to stay here, on the floor. Like a seed, I remain closed, filled with potential and faith, know that eventually I will heed the call and come back into community, find the together part of ”alone together“. Until then I enjoy the sweep sweep sweep of my hair, use my body to prepare this holy space. I came here to hold the ”high watch“, as it turns out I found the grace and necessity of holding the low watch instead. I can not hold the group until I can hold my own sweet self. Giving myself this restorative pause, held in the pulsation of so many souls in motion, honouring exactly where I am, is holding the place of witness, witness to self.

I do this same thing here in my everyday. I am frail at the moment, not strong like the womyn you may know, the one who gyrates, shakes and sweats for hours in a state of ecstatic bliss. Living big and ”out there“ has taken its toll. Like the trees outside my window, I have had to drop my leaves and turn my focus inward. It is time to let the sap I have cultivated soothe my weary body. I am taking a break from the ”high watch“, instead I am choosing another mantra, one I hear repeated over and over when travelling between school in California, and a home life in Canada filled with family, community and this work. ”Securely fashion the oxygen mask over your own mouth before attempting to assist others“. In this moment I am going to simply be mindful of how I am being breathed.”

Bernice Raabis is the commitment maker behind www.12days2inspire.com and is presently attending the Tamalpa Institutes Movement-based Expressive Arts, Embodied Leadership Program, in Marin County, California. She lives with her BIG family in the mountain town of Nelson, British Columbia, and is co-owner of Nelson’s newest movement studio, set to open this month.“

It was a real challenge to be limited to 300 words. I am grateful for both the experience and to have been asked by both Vinn and my curly haired Devi Dasi sister Steph. I love you both very very much.

”Do you feel you have a bigger purpose for being here?“ is the question in 12 days journal #219

Day 7 Karma Yoga- So Many Loves

“Tell me about someone you love” is the question in 12 days journal #64 , a journal which is now at esalen along with 70 or 80 people that I love. Leaving them halfway through the workshop was so hard.

I left my dear friend Rachel who is pregnant. While I have been asked to come to her birth, the reality is I may not see her pregnant again, this was hard. Leaving Benjamin, who I have known almost exactly a year was hard. Our friendship was deepened this time, this happened because I shared this project with him. He is so supportive. He believes in me,in what I am doing. Given the calibre of this amazing man, what he has done, what he does, what he believes in, this feels better than I can ever explain. Leaving Jeremy, whose house I am sitting in typing this entry, having just mended our friendship, was hard. Leaving Vinn, sweet Vinn, the one who brought Soul Motion into my life and the lives of so many, THAT was really hard. Leaving Tarack, my beautiful 21 year old friend, who is so filled with the passion of a young man, and who makes me sad that I never had a son, this was hard. Leaving my friend Cordell, who guested me and is the reason I got to experience being with my tribe, was hard. I didn’t speak with him as much as I had hoped. Leaving behind all the others who chose to show up, not so much for the workshop, but for themselves, those in the room and to do the work, this was hard. I love you all. What a wonderful blessing to have been given these 2 1/2 days of moving in a meditative ministry facilitated by many.

My Karma yoga today was to clean up the pillows and back-jacks after afternoon session. This is usually done by the assistance, but they were hugging and sharing so I quickly took the opportunity to get in my karma yoga of the day. I also gave out a whole stack of journals that I had been saving for this trip. People are so happy to receive the journals, it fells like Karma yoga giving them away.

So I am now off to a 5 day intensive at the Tamalpa Institute. The work i do here is based in movement, the arts and therapy. Expect the next few entries to be intense! Either that or skint... right now I am a busy busy B.