Day 6 Michael Land- Two Line Poems

For four Fridays out of the winter, the Waldorf school takes advantage of the incredible mountain just down the road and all the kids from grade three up get to ski and snowboard in the deep, dry Kootenay snow.
 
Since Chris and Bernice are still both recovering from the virus of perpetual coughing, I went as the parent chaperone and drove Ayla and her friend Amelia up to Whitewater.
 
My dear friend Lars hooked me up with some great tele gear and we met after the kids got sorted. He showed me his back country playground, and we wrote poems to god two lines long all the way down the mountain. Up here, among the peaks and clouds, is one of the most sacred places in my heart. It seems the earth kisses the sky so deeply here. Everything is so raw, so real, so tremendous.
 
While we broke for lunch Lily, Bernice and Chris’s middle daughter, and her friend Sage asked me if I would go up the chair with them. It was Lily’s first day on a snowboard, she was done with the bunny hill, and needed a chaperone to ride the big runs. It felt good that they asked me.
 
We stuck to the green run, and the first time down was made in short little spurts of a few metres at a time. The second time down she was starting to turn. The third time down we cruised, lots of turns, and fearless.
 
I left them to ride the summit chair, and they did another couple runs on their own, while I wrote a few more couplets through the trees. Then I chaperoned some girls back to Nelson.
 
Later, Amelia’s mom called for Chris. She left a message saying, when ‘your friend’ drove Amelia home she left her money in the car. She wanted to know how to get in touch with me, or if he could. It was on the home phone and I was the one who listened to the message. Amelia’s been over before so she knows I live there. I guess a lot of people still don’t understand our family situation, which is fine, it’s new for all of us.
 
Up until I met Bernice, I haven’t even had a partner with kids. Now I live with three of them and both their parents. It’s kind of like instant soup, add water and stir. Instant family, say yes and show up. Today was one of the really fun ways to show up. Add deep, dry snow, strap boards to feet, carve lines into mountain.

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(Here’s a beautiful two line poem)

“How is your family different?“ is the question in 12 days journal #292

Day 4 Committed To Self- Ohm Sweet Ohm

I have a home again. Well I should say I have MY home again...finally. After over 4 months of living in my mothers basement, a one bedroom suite plus studio, with 7 people, I now have my own home back. And how things have changed since I last lived here.

I met Michael On June 6th, spring had just begun, he slept here the night we met...God my mother reads this blog I can’t believe I am writing this, not to mention my daughter is a follower. ACK! This night we spent together was one of the last I ever slept here, up on the mountain in my cozy little home. Mind you it wasn’t so cozy back then, I hated it to be perfectly honest. Felt like living in a bad suburban nightmare, and not a nice suburb either. The structure itself is sound, the lay out is decent, the location phenomenal, but the outside and inside were terrible. My mother, renovator extraordinaire, came up here in the spring to renovate the bedrooms, and ended up moving walls around, putting in more windows, revamping the kitchen and redoing two bathrooms. The inside of the house is completely transformed.

Tonight is my first night back, with my newly configured family. Chris, Bernice, Michael, Ayla, Lily and Rosy. Kelly lives with her other partner in town, but has a drawer in the bathroom and a spot in the closet. I suspect she will be here quite often, that it will be her home too. Tomorrow we will host a Thanksgiving dinner for 16 people. (For my lovely American readers, Canadian Thanksgiving is on the second Monday of October). There are still plenty of boxes lying round the house, and plenty more down at my moms, but it is nicely arranged and ready for a feast.

“What are you thankful for?“ is the question in 12 days journal #182

I am thankful for my mom. I am thankful for her love. I am thankful that she shares with my family the incredible talents she has. She has amazing vision, can take a sow’s ear and transform it into an exquisite silk purse. She did so with our budget in mind creating a whole new home with very little. She is resourceful and can create simple solutions. And in case you get the idea that she is an interior decorator who makes the plans, while others do all the work, I will have you know my mom is willing to get down and dirty. She can use a skill saw with precision and will make sure she is the first to use any new tool when it arrives on site. You don’t want to get between her and any renovation fun! I am thankful for a home which inspires me, one I am drawn to ”go home“ to, one like I have now. Thank you mama...from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

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(my new kitchen)

I am also thankful for my family. I know ”my family“ normally just makes the Thanksgiving Dinner list along with “this food”, but this year is different for me. This year, as I sit and devour turkey dinner with my crew, I have a new appreciation for how fragile, adaptable and courageous a thing family can be. The last few months have not been filled with ease. They have been filled with love, joy, laughter, passion, excitement and adventure, but not ease. There have been other things too; anger, fear, distrust, misunderstanding, sadness, a lot of sadness. If I were to tell you that things have been easy you would know I was lying anyway, that or I know you have NOT been reading regularly! What I can say with complete conviction is life has been real, very very real. Learning to live with 2 other adults, while parenting, and living under my mom (did I mention the two dogs and eleven fish?) has taught me to live out loud, to face myself in ways I have never had to before, to chose my choice, even when it seems too hard, too scary. I have no idea what this winter brings with its gobs of snow and icy fun, but I am ever so thankful for the last 3 seasons. I have had a Spring to meet a new life partner, a Summer to discover one another and a fall to test our resistance to storm. On December 22nd of this year Michael will have been with us for 4 seasons. A friend once told me her mother would often say “Give it four season”. I plan to make it many many more than that. Thank you family, I love each and everyone of you and am blessed to share my life with you.

Day 3 One on One- Not just Ayla

If I had been allowed to follow MY flow, today would have been Ayla’s day for one on one time. But Ayla is a teenager, she has her own flow. The one on one time today was spread amongst all the girls. I will have to catch Ayla alone when she is ready for mama time.

Our whole family plus one (Levi, another teenager type) spent the day doing the “gritty city” thing. When Gabriella (Levi’s mom) left for work she suggested all sorts of educational, nature based things to do with the kids. We were looking for a different kind of education though. My children have nature out the yin yang at home. We live surrounded by trees, get our water from an artisan well which bubbles up feet from our property, we have a barn, lots of bugs and a 4X4 driveway that is VERY natural. We got the rural thing down!. It is the urban experience that my children need to get to know.

Block after block of concrete, serving up a smorgasbord of delicious (and sometimes not) foods. A milieu of people in a variety of socio-economic situations, and states of mental health. Hoards of shops hawking everything we could imagine and so much we never could. We sang with a homeless man, bought pizza for a hungry charity canvasser. Ate our lunch sitting on a grassy boulevard with cars whizzing by, music blaring out windows. Rosy's favourite part of our trip so far has been the lively confrontation between a couple at the Bart subway station. The womyn involved threw her bike at the man who was screaming “That is what happens when you put crank in the marijuana!” Now that’s entertainment!

We rummaged through vintage shops, and spent half an hour trying on hats at the Berkeley Hat Co. We looked at body jewellery and perused books filled with tattoo work by local artists. I tried to convince my Ayla to get a nose piercing, but no dice. We eventually ended up drinking bubble tea in a Tapioca Express. The teenagers wandered off, Rosy and Lily played Mancala. Chris and I sat, I cried and tried to hide it, he consoled and listened.

We took a similar trip to the one we are on now, about a year and a half ago. Chris’ head injury mixed with his Post Traumatic Stress had yet to go full blown, the trip helped to tease it all out. Within 3 weeks we were in Mexico, Chris was refusing to come home. I was 2 countries away with my 3 children and my certifiable husband, when I realized just how sick he was. Life was so hard back then, I am thankful I could not see the forest for the trees, had I have been able to I may have taken a match to it all and roasted marshmallows on the raging forest fire.

As we sat sipping tea we spoke of how far we have come, how proud we are to have stuck it out. The kids are so funny, they knew I was crying but ignored it. They are used to having an emotionally expressive mother, and often decide denial is the best course of action. When we were done sipping large black cossova pearls mixed with milky goodness through crazy large straws, we headed home to get ready for dance camp. As we walked back to our truck and camper, I saw a homeless man, he looked up at me and smiled. As I was preparing to say something to him, not sure what, a hello or a comment about the day. He says “Fuck you, you ugly bitch”, smile still spread cross his face. My heart was still wide open from the sharing with Chris, tears began to well up. I know the man is ill, what he said was not really meant, at least not for me, but I am just a little too sensitive for all this grittiness.

This country mouse will be happy to leave the city tonight and head for the mountains and lakes of Kings Canyon National Park in the Sierra Nevada’s. This is where we will shake our booties at the Northern California Dance Collective’s Summer Dance Camp. We are travelling in our truck and camper, our home upon our back, tonight will be my first night sleeping in the camper this year. While I have enjoyed my city homes for the last 10 days, Jeremy’s, Kincade’s, and Gabriella's, it is time to move on with my family.

“Where is your home? What is it like?” is the question in 12 days journal #72. This is an answer that has been shifting for me lately, as my idea of what home is shifts, thanks to my Michael, who is teaching me many new things. He has taken 2 journals from me so far, this one will be his third. I am going to save it for him. I will see him in 6 sleeps. When I do his home will be with me, for 11 days, while we and the L.O.V.E collective travel the Canadian coast dancing, playing, and exploring. What a life!