Day 8 Open Heart Letter- Going Live! in....?

At 11:53 this afternoon, I received the following email:

“Journal #10.... received and soon to be on it's way into the teeming void.
The blog and experiment is amazing. You are so very very cool. I am unspeakably chuffed to be a muse to you. I suppose that makes me amusing?
Your fearless (inspite of fear, not in absence of) candidness will no doubt inspire many. What a beautiful offering to the people in your life, to say nothing of those outside of your life soon to be touched by your inspired efforts.

Big soft ferocious fuzzy illuminating love to you!

J.”

And so as per the ritual I committed to the day I sent out my first Open Heart Letter, I will now be actively telling people about this blog and my experiment. Up until now it had been a secret. I am unexpectedly sad at the idea of sharing it, having a secret is fun. But then I think of the fun I can have telling the world, and well that is more fun! I am in the middle of travelling, I am writing this in the truck as we climb over the Monashee mountain pass, 4 hours from home. I will spend one crazy day tomorrow, packing, waxing, playing, dancing, sleeping, then it is over the border an off to California, where I will actually see the friend who sent this email. At this time I will work on how to best put this experiment out into the cyber world. I am sure facebook will play a part! I am also going to include a new link in the “what’s the score?” section on suggestions fro participating. I would love people to start commenting on individual entries, perhaps answering the question for that days journal. Wow, so much to think about and do. Makes me feel small...but mighty!

I sat in a medical office today with my partner, we both spoke about our experience since his accident. One and a half years ago I sat in the same office. That time I did all the talking, he was barely able to converse. I remember a deep fear that he would never “be the same again”. He was not the man I married, far from it. He was angry, confused, introverted and illogical most of the time. It has long been my belief that I would never be given any more than I could handle, but that day I remember wondering if what I could handle had been overestimated. I have since let go of any silly fantasy of him ever being the same as he was. HECK, I am not the same as I was then. He is a new person. If you met him you would likely not know he had a head injury. He is quirky yes, but then he always was, just in other ways. He is a man who has come through amazing feats, with a new awareness and empathy for what it means to have your “head not screwed on straight”. For a long while he carried round a public health ad he ripped from a magazine which read “Surprise! Someone at your birthday party has mental illness.” He would pull it out and use humour to put people at ease round his inury. The man who sat in the office with us today, his Nuero-Psychologist, has given us amazing care. He believed in Chris’ ability to heal and thrive even when we questioned it. His conviction made it easier to get through the days when there seemed to be no end to the snail like pace of brain recovery. After we left his office today, I wrote him a letter, which included 12 days journal #17, inside the front cover it asks “Can you remember a time when you made a difference in someone’s life?”. It was mailed in Vernon, BC as we made our way home.

Oh and P.S. I had planned a couple of days ago to write to my friend Ryan today, it is his 34th birthday. It didn’t work out that way. He lives across the country. I suppose I will have to come up with a 12 days commitment that allows me to get out there and give it to him in person...but only if he promises to play me a song on one of the hundreds of instruments he knows how to make sing. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!

Day 1 Open Heart Letter- My muse.

I have known since about halfway through the Pulpit rock 12 day commitment what I would be committing to next, but it took until today for me to know exactly how it looked. It took writing my first open heart letter to know exactly how I wanted to take this next step.

I wrote a letter to my muse today. He is part of how this whole experiment came to be. We have known each other a relatively short time, 7 months. He has inspired and challenged me in so many ways. We were going through a rough patch in our friendship when I was cleansing (the first 12 day commitment). I was throwing myself into whatever I could as a distraction. This distraction took on a life of its own and became this experiment in the ripple effect of inspiration and self discovery, so it seemed fitting that he be the first I write an open heart letter too. By open heart letter I mean putting pen to paper and just beginning to write what is in my heart in regards to that person. No editing! No need to make it prosy or even literate! Just pour the heart onto the page! For the duration of this 12 day commitment the question for the daily 12 days journal arises from the writing of this letter. The journal then goes in with the letter and is mailed. What the receiver of letter does with the journal is of course up to them, they can hike it up a mountain, leave it at a book store, fill the whole thing up and mail it back to me, whatever they are inspired to do.

Today is a special day for me. I had decided to keep this project quiet until I could feel the momentum and had all the wrinkles ironed out. In a fashion that is very “me” I decided upon a ritualistic way of releasing to the world what I am doing. When my muse receives his letter and has a chance to log into this blog and read what he has helped to inspire, I will then start telling the world.

As for you my wonderful sweet intelligent loving muse. You came up the mountain with me for the last 12 days and my heart shouted from the top how much I love you...in many many languages.

The question in side 12 days journal #10 reads, “How do you want to be loved?”