Day 2 New Friend- Ghosts

I saw a movie recently, in it is a line I just can’t get out of my head. The lead character, a player to the nth degree, says in regards to relationships, “the one who cares least has the most power”. I hated hearing this, mostly because it is true. Especially since I am one of those bleeding heart types. I do my best to be honest in every encounter, couple this with the fact that I have a huge capacity for love, and well I often end up being the one caring more. I have spent the majority of this day on this computer. Various email exchanges, some supportive, some messy. When I walked into the cafe, I should now be paying rent in, I saw a man sitting at a table the minute I came in. He met my eyes, said hello. I was muddled, confused and had the better part of a difficult email in my head. I wanted to get it down, send it away and not engage with anyone until I did. Ironic no? Given that I am trying to have conversations with strangers and here is this man totally willing to take on that roll and I am avoiding him. I kept my head down, hiding. He persevered. Came closer. Tried starting a conversation. At this point I had just received a response to my difficult email. My heart sank, tears welled, I thought “not here, not while I am being watched”. Then I realized I had to go move my car or be ticketed, I asked him to watch my things while I did. When I came back in it was inevitable, the conversation began. All he wanted from me was to talk, just human connection, and I was resistant because I was stuck inside my roller-coaster world. In the beginning I felt like I was being “nice” by talking to him, someone who seemed to be in need of connection. But ya know what? I felt so much better after our conversation, I had more clarity, and he likely saved me from adding a few (more?) four letter words into my email, which I compose once he left. I decided to care about this stranger, and it turned out I was giving care to myself. So perhaps caring more may leave us with less power in some ways, but in others it seems to be the ultimate safety net. In the short term it may give me less power but in the long run it means living life with honesty. I could choose to manipulate, doling out only parts of me, anticipating what the result might be given a select persons impressions of my words, admitting to only half truths, not accept responsibility for my part of things....naw that is too much work, takes too much time especially since I have a lot of loving to do.

The second Open Heart Letter was received today. I got the following email:

Bernice!
 
Your treasured experiment arrived in my mailbox today my dear curly-haired sister...and I am blown away.

Blown away by your beauty, your curiosity about life, your endless creativity, your divinely whimsical spirit, your deep, earthy love, and your gifts you are sharing with the world on this "12days2inspire" journey.

My eyes got glassy and my heart warm with joy reading your letter and blog entry. Gratitude pours forth from eyes and heart dear sister. I am deeply honoured to be chosen to participate in this incredible experiment. The more and more I discover about you, the more and more I know our sisterly connection goes well beyond our curly hair...but it was a fun place to begin, wasn't it?

Blessings to your dance Bernice...

And big, big, big love to you!

Love,
Steph

This makes me so very happy...sigh. Then later she emailed me and we set another commitment for me to adhere to until this commitment is done. Like a big sister she knows how to support me in supporting myself. Thank you sweet one.

So I am now taking my butt of this computer, away from the woes of substandard communication mediums and am going to dance myself into love love love and care care care.

Oh I almost forgot. My stranger come new friend of today, Keith, received 12 days journal #23, inside is written “How do you feel about honesty?”....I was surprised with the question, and told him so. He didn’t seemed surprised at all. It occurred to me that perhaps I had misconstrued the situation. Here I thought I was talking to a man who needed a connection, perhaps it was the other way round? Perhaps he had intuited that *I* was in need of connection. Thanks for the chat Keith, and happy dancing!!!

Day 1 New Friend- Manifestation

Shortly after the last entry I went to a local Natural food grocer in Fairfax. The Good Earth, is a bustling mix of healthy livin’ folk. A friendly bunch, but save the ones relaxing just outside the front door and on the patio, they are mostly set on getting their groceries and going home. I have never had a full blown conversation with a stranger there before. I have exchanged smiles and pleasantries, but nothing like what I experienced today. Despite the fact that it happens daily I am still amazed how the moment i send a request into the universe, she delivers.

I was searching for a single serving packet of almond butter while, holding a bouquet of flowers for a friend, when a handsome gentleman past by and said, “Beautiful flowers, for a beautiful womyn“. I smiled one of those big doe eyed smiles which sometimes get me into trouble and thanked him. He instantly doubled back, asked me my name, told me his, and we began to talk about love and relationships and how to gently lead ones partner to understanding our desires...all in under a minute! While I am no stranger to flirtation and open conversation, this was deeper than I usually go in so short a time. He confided that he is 62 and is in love for the first time, with his partner of 4 months.

When our conversation ended I realized my commitment for today was done, just like that. I went out to my car to get 12 days journal #22 and wrote the question, ”How do you get the love you want in your life?“ into the front cover. I found him just as he was coming through the check out line. I asked him to accept the journal. Directed him here to the blog to read more about my experiment. He agreed and said he was honoured. We shared a long deep hug and walked away. Me with my bouquet for a friend and he with the bouquet he decided to buy, upon seeing me with mine, for the love of his life. Goes to show it is never too late for love to arrive!

Latest Commitment! New Friend- By the skin of my teeth

I have had much anxiety over this next commitment. Mostly due to me having no idea what it would be until less than an hour ago. I have so many ideas for what I would like to try/accomplish/brave in the next 300+ days. I have no shortage of ideas. Part of the experiment though was not to pre-plan, to allow what emerges through this process to inform what the next commitment would be. I am in an interesting position of this being the first commitment I start while away from home. The commitment has to work for both here and at home, has to work with air travel, and has to be pertinent to where I am at in this part of the process. I have many ideas of fantastic commitments, ones I hope to try one day, but none of them worked for right now, for today and the 11 to follow. I called Chris and expressed my concern that I would not be able to come up with anything, that the whole experiment would fall apart a mere month in (hmmm that would be 1/12th of the way in, interesting) He seemed nonplussed, said he had no doubt I would come up with something. I then expressed concern to my good friend I am staying with here in Woodacre, he too seemed to have complete faith. It seems I am the only one doubting my ability.

I set off to town. Figured that sitting round worrying was counterproductive. I still had letters to mail, not everyone had got back to me with addresses. I had also to make up some journals, write this entry, and go buy some colourful markers to make the journals more visible. As I drove I made a mental list of tasks I needed to take care of. My mind wandered again to what I would be committing to today. I imagined myself sitting in the Fair Fix, a cafe in Fairfax with internet, good coffee and friendly servers, it is my California equivalent to Oso Negro back home. I have many great conversations here with strangers. I enjoy sharing my story, hearing theirs. I consoled myself that surely I would have a conversation with a stranger and that this would give me inspiration for the new commitment...BINGO!

For the next 12 days I commit to having a conversation with a complete stranger, making a new friend. I will either leave the journal with them, or somewhere connected to the conversation. While I am comfortable talking to people I do not know, committing to doing this every day for 12 days is stretching my limits somewhat. Perfect.